Is there anything better than a love letter? What about a love letter from your partner on the morning of your wedding talking about how much they want to marry you? Yup, it doesn’t get better than a wedding letter!
As professional officiants for over a decade, we believe in the power of words. We know how important your ceremony and your vows are as the foundation of your marriage. We also love to see our couples put a personal spin on their wedding words.
That’s why we’re such big fans of wedding letters! They add a sweet touch to your wedding and ensure you start off your day feeling connected and ready to get married. We’ve been seeing letter exchanges more and more at weddings, and we couldn’t be happier about it.
Keep reading to learn what exactly a wedding letter is, why and when to write one, our template for writing your own and our best letter writing tips!
What is a wedding letter?
A wedding letter is a letter that you write your partner to be exchanged on your wedding day. And hopefully, they write you one back!
This is usually a private letter, just for the two of you to read, where you can share how you’re feeling, personal stories about how much you love them and last minute wedding wishes before you tie the knot.
Is a wedding letter the same thing as wedding vows?
Nope, though they can be similar. A wedding letter is a personal note you exchange with your partner in private while vows are shared in public at your ceremony.
A wedding letter focuses more on your feelings and wishes for your partner. It’s a good place to tell stories or reflect on your relationship.
And while your vows can include your feelings and reflections, the primary purpose of your vows is to share the promises you’re making for your marriage.
Why write a letter for your partner?
Wedding letters are optional – you don’t have to write one. But a lot of couples are choosing to exchange letters on their wedding day.
For one, a wedding letter is another opportunity for you to tell your partner how much they mean to you. Unlike wedding vows, which are usually shared in front of all of your guests, your wedding letters are just for you. They’re a chance for you to share private sentiments with one another.
If you’re not seeing your partner before the ceremony, your wedding letters can be a great way to connect and “talk” to one another. Or if you are seeing each other, they can increase that moment of connection. Not only do you get to see each other, but you also get to read some heartfelt words that your partner lovingly wrote for you. How nice is that?
Wedding letters are also a great option if you’re not sharing personal vows. If you’ve opted for traditional vows or repeat-after-me vows, you can choose to put the more personal stuff into a private letter.
Lastly, wedding letters make awesome mementos from your wedding. They’re a nice memory of the day and how you were feeling that you can look back on for years to come.
When do you exchange wedding letters?
Wedding letters are usually exchanged at the beginning of the wedding day so you can start your day off with that nice boost from your partner.
If you’re spending your wedding morning together, you could exchange cards over breakfast. Or if you’re getting ready separately, you could have members of your wedding party deliver the letters.
Some couples also save their letter exchange for their first look. That way, you get the double emotional hit of not only seeing your partner all dressed up for the wedding day but also reading the sweet words they’ve written for you.
What about a wedding gift for your spouse?
Many couples like to exchange gifts on the morning of their wedding. Your wedding letter is a great addition to this gift giving tradition!
Whether you’re gifting a fancy new watch or necklace, bridal boudoir photos or a heartfelt keepsake, your letter is the cherry on top to make that gift so much more meaningful.
Format for a wedding letter
Because wedding letters are personal letters, only to be shared between you and your spouse-to-be, there’s not a regimented formula or template that you have to follow. Your letter can take whatever shape you want!
That said, it might be nice to agree with your partner beforehand approximately how long you want your letters to be and the overall vibe you’re going for. Should this be a lengthy note that will have your partner reaching for tissues? Or is it just a few encouraging lines to give them a wedding-nerves-busting chuckle?
In case you’re stuck, here are some ideas for how to format your letter:
Step 1) Introduction
Start your wedding letter off by leaning into the feelings you have or the feelings you suspect you might have on your wedding day. Are you full of love, nervously excited, anxious but confident? Let your partner know!
This is also a good place to include a little inside joke or funny line to get your partner smiling right from the start. Remember, this letter is just for you two, so it’s okay to be a bit more casual.
Step 2) The heart of the letter
The heart of the letter is where you express what you want your partner to know on your wedding day. This part of your letter can take many forms, but considering answering one or more of these questions:
- What do you love most about your partner?
- What do you wish for them on your wedding day?
- How do you want them to feel the morning of your wedding?
- When did you know they were the one?
- Why are you marrying them today?
- What’s a favourite memory you have together?
Step 3) Conclusion
Lastly, end your letter by reminding your partner just how much you love them and how excited you are to be tying the knot today.
If you have any final wedding wishes you want to share with them, a feeling you want to leave them with or something you want them to remember for the rest of the day, include it here.
10 tips for writing a heartfelt wedding letter
1. Start early
You don’t want to rush through writing your letter the morning of your wedding. You’ll be stressed and busy enough that morning – don’t add more to do your to-do list. Plus, a rushed letter isn’t likely to be a very heartfelt one.
Instead, start writing your letter weeks or even months ahead of time. Give yourself lots of time so you’re not rushed.
2. Don’t try to write it all at once
Don’t try to write your wedding letter all in one go. Schedule a few writing opportunities over the weeks/months leading up to your wedding. That way, there’s no pressure to create a polished, final draft in one writing session.
3. Set the right writing mood
It’s hard to write a personal, heartfelt, romantic card when you’re rushing between meetings at work, hunched over your laptop on the couch or typing away on your phone at 1:00 AM.
Make writing easier on yourself by setting the right mood. Wait until you are relaxed and distraction free. Then turn on some romantic music, light a candle, pour yourself a beverage and get started.
4. Choose an inspiring card
While you could write your wedding letter on hotel stationary or the back of a napkin, it can help to choose a special card and even use a special pen to write it with. After all, this is a special occasion!
Take the time to select a beautiful card in-person or online, or even make the card yourself. That way, when you sit down to write, it will feel like you’re writing something important.
5. Take a walk down memory lane
In order to get in the right headspace to write a romantic card for your partner, it can help to take a little walk down memory lane. Spend some time rereading old cards, looking at old photos and even listening to songs you both love.
Soon, all those loving memories will come right back to you and spill out on the page!
6. Keep a note on your phone to jot down ideas
Sometimes, the perfect words or story for your wedding letter will strike when you least expect it. That’s why we recommend keeping a note on your phone (or in a notepad, if you’re old school) to jot down any ideas that come to you.
When you do sit down to write, you can reference your notes app and make sure you haven’t missed anything.
7. Write your letter with your vows
Because your wedding letter and your wedding vows will follow a lot of the same themes – nice things you want to say to your partner – it can be helpful to write them both together. That way, you can ensure you’re not just repeating yourself in both your letter and vows.
It’s also handy to think about your letter as you’re writing your vows in case there’s anything you want to save for the letter. For example, if your vows are feeling too long or getting too personal, you can move some of that content over to your letter.
PS: Need help writing your vows? Check out our FREE Wedding Vow Cheat Sheet!
8. Don’t worry about being too personal
Don’t be concerned if your love letter to your spouse feels too mushy, too personal, too emotional, etc. Remember, this letter is just for your partner’s eyes. You don’t have to read it out loud in front of all of your guests.
If anything, this is the perfect time to get personal! You can really open up your heart, knowing this is a private letter only for you two.
9. Got writer’s block? Try interviewing yourself
Sometimes it can be overwhelming to try and put all of the feelings you have for your partner into words. You know you love them so much but you’re just not sure how to say it.
If you find yourself getting stuck, try this technique: Pretend you’re being interviewed about your partner and answer each question, rather than forcing yourself to fill a blank page. Start with the questions we have listed above under Step 2 of the wedding letter format, which should help prompt your writing.
10. Turn your card into a keepsake
After your wedding, make plans to turn your love letters to one another into a keepsake. This can be something you display in your home and fill you with happy memories every time you walk by.
You could put your letters into a scrapbook or album, display them in a shadow box, add them to a special wedding memory box, type them out to hang in a frame, or get creative with your own ideas (or turn to Etsy). Another fun tradition is rereading your wedding letters every year on your anniversary.
Happy wedding letter writing!
