Tips & Advice - Young Hip & Married

So you got married? Congratulations! And now you want to change your surname but you have no clue how to change your name after getting married in BC…

…don’t worry! We’ve got you.

Whether you’re taking your partner’s last name, hyphenating, creating a new last name or doing something totally different, we’ll walk you through everything you need to know to change your name after marriage in the province of British Columbia!

Don’t want to update everything yourself? Get all of the paperwork you need to change your last name in BC for just $39!

If you don’t want to bother going through all of the steps below (and there are a lot!) an Easy Name Change Kit may be for you. For just $39 (as of Jun 2023, check the website for the most up to date prices), you’ll be able to choose from a list of over 750 government agencies and companies, received personalized forms and letters, and have everything you need to easily and quickly change your name.

Check out Easy Name Change to get started!

Please note: The information below is accurate to the best of our knowledge. If you have further questions, please contact the issuing bodies linked below.

Elopement couple showing off their wedding rings - how to change your name after marriage in British Columbia — *by Erica Miller Photography*

But first: Do you have to change your name in BC after you’re married?

Absolutely not! You are not required to change your name after marriage in BC or Canada. You can continue using your given name.

Name changes are also not restricted to only women in hetero marriages. Men can change their names too!

Social vs legal name change

Many couples choose to use a new last name socially, but don’t change their name legally. They may do this to avoid the extra paperwork or to use a different name in different situations. For example, if you’ve published academic papers under your given name, you may choose to continue using your given name professionally (and legally) but use your married name socially.

Changing your last name socially is not something you need to do officially, as it’s not a legal or documented change. At any point you can change your name on Facebook or Instagram, make a new email address, and ask your friends and family to start calling you Mx. New Last Name.

With a social name change, all of your identification documents remain the same. You would use your new name in social settings but for identification purposes, such as showing ID at a bar or buying plane tickets, you would use your legal name.

Black and white photo of couple eloping with Young Hip & Married in BC — *by Erica Miller Photography*

If you want something more official than a social name change, you have two options:

Option 1: Assuming your partner’s last name

As per the BC Government, “After marriage, you can choose to continue using your own surname (last name), or you can start using your spouse’s surname. Assuming your spouse’s surname does not constitute or require a legal change of name under the Name Act.

If after assuming a spouse’s surname after marriage you decide to go back to using your own surname, you can do this at any time without a legal change of name.”

TL/DR: If you want to take your spouse’s last name in BC, you don’t have to do a legal name change. You can simply start updating all of your documents with your Marriage Certificate as proof and begin using your new name. You can also switch back to your given name at any time.

Option 2: Doing something else with your last name

Unfortunately, anything other than assuming your partner’s last name in BC is much more complicated. If you’d like to hyphenate, move your given surname to your middle name, or create a new last name legally, you will have to go through the legal name change process.

Reminder: You can do whatever you want socially! The government doesn’t care what name you use on Facebook or when you introduce yourself at dinner parties.

The name change process begins by filling out the Legal Change of Name Application. This can be done online for a fee of $137. You are also required to obtain and pay fees for fingerprinting services, a criminal record check and certification of documents. You must present your original birth certificate as a legal name change will change the name on your birth certificate.

Once you have completed the legal change of name process (4-6 week processing time), you’ll receive your Certificate of Change of Name.

For more on the legal change of name process, please visit this website.

Newlyweds kissing in the rain at Cecil Green in Vancouver — *by Erica Miller Photography*

How to update your Canadian/BC documents with your new last name after marriage:

With your Marriage Certificate (if you are assuming your partner’s last name) or Certificate of Change of Name (if you have legally changed your last name) in hand, you’ll then be able to start changing your documents and identification over to your new last name.

Don’t want to update everything yourself? Get all of the paperwork you need to change your last name in BC with Easy Name Change for just $39!

BC Services Card & driver’s licence

Contact Health Insurance BC (HIBC) to change your name on your Medical Services Plan (MSP). Phone 604-683-7151 or 1-800-663-7100, Monday to Friday, 8:00am – 4:30pm.
Receive a confirmation letter in the mail from HIBC.
Go to your nearest ICBC driver licensing office to complete your name change. You can book an appointment ahead of time online.
For your appointment, you’ll need:
- The confirmation letter sent to you from HIBC
- Your Marriage Certificate or Certificate of Change of Name with your new last name on it
- Your current BC Services Card and/or driver’s licence
- The fee for your new ID (see the fee list here)
Receive your temporary ID immediately and new ID in the mail shortly after.

Important things to note:

Updating your driver’s licence when you change your name is a legal requirement in B.C.
If your name has changed previously, you’ll need to bring all linking documentation.
Passports cannot be used as identification for changing your name.
Photocopies can only be used when stamped as verified originals by the issuing government office.
To update your name on your car insurance, please contact your broker for further instructions.

PS: Moving in with your spouse? You can update the address on your BC Services Card or BC Licence online!

For more information about updating your BC Services Card click here, and for updating your BCID or BC driver’s licence, click here.

Bank and credit cards

Most Canadian banks will require you to visit a branch office in person with your Marriage Certificate or Certificate of Change of Name in order to change your last name on your account and cards. You may also be required to fill out a form or provide identification, such as your BC Services Card or driver’s licence with your new name.

If you have a bank-issued credit card, you should also be able to change your name on your card at the branch when updating your banking information. Keep in mind that all banks and credit card companies operate differently, so get in touch with yours for the exact procedure.

Porteau Cove wedding elopement — *by Erica Miller Photography*

Social Insurance Number (SIN) card

According to the Government of Canada, “If you are legally changing your name: By law, you must update your SIN record when you change your name.” However, there seems to be some debate over whether an assumed last name is treated the same as a legal change of name. Many couples report not updating their SIN cards and having no problem filing taxes, getting paid, etc.

However, a little birdie told us things may get complicated when you go to collect your CPP (Canada Pension Plan) if your current last name doesn’t match the one on your SIN card. So, we suggest updating everything with your new last name, whether assumed or legally changed, to avoid any problems in the future.

To update your SIN, you’ll need to fill out an application and provide supporting documents. The application can be filled out online, by mail or in person.

If applying online you’ll need to provide:

a digital copy of an original valid primary identity document (you must provide both sides of the document if there is identity information on each side), like your birth certificate or certificate of Canadian citizenship
a digital copy of an original valid secondary document, like a passport or driver’s licence
a digital copy of a proof of address
a digital copy of an original valid supporting document (only applicable if the name on your primary identity document is different from the name on your secondary document or than the name on your online SIN application form), like your Marriage Certificate or Certificate of Change of Name

Couple exchanging vows by the marina in Vancouver, BC - How to change your name after marriage in BC — *by Erica Miller Photography*

Canada Revenue Agency (CRA)

You’ll need to update the CRA not just with your new name but also with your change of marital status. You have until the end of the following month after your status changed to notify the CRA (e.g. if you got married in September, you must update the CRA by the end of October).

While your change of marital status can be updated online, your change of name must be done by phone, mail or fax.

Change of marital status

Visit this website
Sign into your CRA account and go to your Personal Profile
Under Personal Information > Marital Status, click Update
Enter your new marital status, effective date, and your partner’s SIN
Click Submit

Change of name

Visit this website
By phone: Call 1-800-959-8281(see link above for hours of operation)
Be ready with your:
- Social Insurance Number
- Full name and date of birth
- Your complete address
- Your personal account open or an assessed return, notice of assessment, reassessment, or other tax document
- Marriage Certificate or Certificate of Change of Name
By mail/fax: Send your letter to your tax centre (locations found here)
Your letter must include:
- original or certified true copy of one of the following documents:
  - a name change certificate from a provincial/territorial vital statistics department
  - a court order issued under an act on change of name
- your old and new names
- your social insurance number
- your signature

Note: You can only change your name by phone if this is your first time changing your first or last name. If you have previously changed your name, you’ll need to apply by mail or fax.

Stanley Park Ferguson Point Elopement - changing your name after marriage in BC — *by Erica Miller Photography*

Canadian Passport

Updating your passport with your new information can be tricky to time, so make sure you have knowledge of any upcoming travel plans before starting this process.

Visit this website (for change of name information) and this website (for application information)
Fill out the application form using your new name
Provide the following documents:
- Your current passport (if it’s still valid)
- Supporting ID with your new name (e.g. new BC Services Card or driver’s licence)
- Proof of citizenship
- Marriage Certificate or Certificate of Change of Name (original or copy)
- 2 identical passport photos (that follow the passport photo requirements)
Find a guarantor and 2 references
Submit your application by mail or in person
Pay the fees ($120-160, plus any fees for expediting your application)
Receive your passport (by mail or pick up in person) in 10-20 business days plus mailing time. Click here for current processing times and to check the status of your application.

Important note for travel:

If you are travelling internationally, the name on your passport MUST match the name on your travel bookings (plane tickets, bus tickets, etc.). This can make honeymoon planning difficult as you may not have time to apply and receive your new passport with your new name before you leave.

Many couples choose to go on their honeymoon with their given names (using their current passport and booking everything under their given last name) as they don’t want to risk not receiving their new passport in time.

Everything you need to know about changing your last name after your wedding in British Columbia — *by Erica Miller Photography*

Work, voter registration, phone, utilities, etc.

After you’ve taken care of the big stuff, changing your name elsewhere should be relatively easy. You’ll usually realize you still need to change your name somewhere when you receive piece of mail addressed to your previous name. And it’s usually as easy as going online and updating your name information.

Here are a few more places you may want to update your name:

Work:
Depending on where you work, you may need to provide formal proof of your new name. This can usually be done by providing your Marriage Certificate or Certificate of Change of Name or any of your new identification (e.g. new driver’s licence). Your work may need this information to update your payment and tax paperwork. You’ll want to make sure that your name on your pay stubs/T4 matches the name the CRA has come tax filing time, so be sure to contact HR.

You may also want to have your new name used in your work email address or other places around the office, such as the company directory.

Phone & utilities:
Log into your online accounts for your phone and utility companies where most will allow you to update your personal information. Some companies may require you to phone or provide proof of name change.

Voter registration:
You can update your name through the Online Voter Registration Service with Elections Canada. You can also update your information at your polling station at the next election. Note that at the time of writing (Sep 2021), online updating is temporarily unavailable as electoral data from the recent election is being processed.

The fun updates: Social media

Now comes the fun part: Changing your name on social media! There are no applications, fees, long lines or paperwork required. Simply log into your favourite social media apps and have fun updating and using your new name!

Before you change your last name, don’t forget to book your wedding officiant for your ceremony! Get in touch to book your officiant today!

written by Riana Ang-Canning

If you’re getting married in the time of corona, you may find yourself needing to cut your wedding guest list. And even if coronavirus isn’t affecting your wedding, you may still need to bring down your guest count. Most couples have to narrow down their list due to budget constraints, venue limits or, y’know, a global pandemic!

Weddings in this time are going to look different. There will be added hygiene measures and increased space between people. One of the main ways that COVID-19 is affecting weddings is that weddings are having to get smaller in order to keep everyone safe and healthy.

If you’re getting married under these new rules and need to cut your wedding guest list, read on for our tips!

*Note that all photos below were taken at weddings in pre-corona times when social distancing was not yet a thing!

Get on the same page

The first thing you need to do is get on the same page as your partner. You need to discuss the guest list together and ensure you’re presenting a united front. Your guest list will balloon and feelings will be hurt if one partner promises a potential guest something the other partner doesn’t agree to. If you and your partner disagree about your wedding, work on that before you make any decisions.

Another thing you’ll want to do with your partner? Commiserate. It sucks that you have to change your wedding plans – whether that’s due to the pandemic, budget, family drama or something else. It’s totally fine if your first wedding re-planning meeting is more of a venting session fuelled by strong drinks and ice cream!

People will understand

The one silver lining about having to cut your wedding guest list during a global pandemic is that people are extremely understanding. How is anyone going to be mad at the poor engaged couple who have had to re-plan their entire wedding?

Hopefully, your guests understand that you’ve had to make a lot of sacrifices and that cutting your guest list isn’t personal – it’s now a legal requirement. If you’re struggling with how to deliver the news, check out our posts on how to tell your big family you’re having a small wedding and how to manage family opinions about your wedding.

Start simple

It might sound harsh, but some cuts are going to be easier than others. If you’re getting married during the pandemic, you can pretty easily cut any guests who would have to travel from your list. They likely won’t be able to cross regional or international borders, and they may not want to even if they could. You can also cross off elderly guests, like grandparents, or immunocompromised people who may be at greater risk in larger gatherings.

Remember, it’s also easier to invite people who live in the same household. People within the same household don’t need to socially distance from one another, meaning they would take up less space at a venue. It would be a lot easier to space out 10 couples or four families of five, then it would be to space out 20 individual people who need a two metre bubble around each of them.

Lastly, some people may choose not to come to your wedding. They might not be comfortable with large gatherings or local travel to get to your venue in these times. None of us have lived through a pandemic like this before and we all have different levels of comfort and risk. Prepare yourself to have some of your invitations declined.

Come up with a rule

It can be easier to cut your wedding guest list if you and your spouse-to-be come up with a firm rule. You may decide to cut all plus ones, only invite immediate family or only invite first cousins. With a rule in place, you can more easily make decisions and explain to guests where the cut-off line is. Of course, this might not work in all circumstances, and can get tricky if you have a rule but start making exceptions.

Celebrate differently

While you might not be able to invite all of your loved ones to your wedding, you can still find unique ways to celebrate with them. Many corona-couples are taking their weddings virtual and having guests join from near and far via video chat apps. That way, guests can watch and participate in your wedding from the safety of their own homes.

You could also involve loved ones who can’t attend in other ways. You could collect letters and well wishes from your family and friends to read at your wedding. You could arrange to meet up with local guests at socially distanced picnics afterwards. Or you could hold a big anniversary reception once it’s safe to do so!

Don’t want to cut your wedding guest list?

If you really do not want to cut down your guest list, you don’t have to. As we always say, it’s your wedding, your way. If you are committed to having 100 guests, then we think you should move forward with the guest list you want.

However, your wedding may look a little different. If you’re wanting a higher guest count, you will need to wait for a time when it’s safe to gather in larger groups. Even then, your wedding may not be exactly as you envisioned. You may still have to include extra hygiene measures and/or socially distance. You may have to change venues or vendors, depending on your new wedding date, or make new decisions based on your life and budget.

Have you had to cut your wedding guest list?

by Riana Ang-Canning

If you are one of the many couples who have had to postpone your wedding in the midst of this global pandemic, our hearts go out to you. That really sucks! Postponing is not fun and not something any couple wants to deal with.

But after you make the tough decision, reach out to your vendors, get in touch with your guests and peel the stamps off your save the dates, what do you do next? What happens once your wedding is postponed?

Grieve

It is not only acceptable, but actually encouraged, to grieve after you’ve postponed your wedding. Sure, you may not have lost a loved one, but you did lose something. Even if you’re planning to have the exact same wedding a year later, your loss is still impactful.

Your wedding day is something you’ve been looking forward to and planning for weeks, months or years. And now it’s not going to happen exactly when or exactly how you hoped. That’s a loss and it’s totally okay if you feel bad about it. Don’t let anyone shame you or make you feel guilty about being bummed. You’re allowed to be sad and drown your sorrows in Netflix binges and ice cream.

Rely on your support network

This is the time to reach out to your support network. Even if you can’t see them like you normally would, connect virtually, get on the phone or meet up for a socially distanced picnic with friends and family. Rely on your people to boost your spirits, be a safe space for you to vent, or even get your mind off of your wedding.

You may also want to go online and connect with other couples who have had to postpone weddings. There you can commiserate, keep each other inspired and learn how others are handling their re-planned weddings.

Make a commitment now

Just because your wedding has been postponed doesn’t mean you have to wait to make a commitment. You can still make that pact with your partner, even in the middle of a pandemic. Many couples are choosing to elope now and party later, saving their big wedding for a safer time. Get in touch with us if you’d like to do this!

If you don’t want to get legally married right now, you can still make a commitment without the paperwork. Hold a virtual ceremony with an officiant (we know a few!) or an informal ceremony with just the two of you. You could also make your commitment by exchanging love letters, writing vows or even just having a really romantic date night.

Take a break

The great thing about postponing your wedding is you now have more time for wedding planning. That means you have time for a break. It’s totally understandable if you don’t want to jump into wedding planning right away. You may be grieving or worried that your wedding plans may change again. Consider this permission granted to step away from the Google Docs and Pinterest boards. Go enjoy some wedding-planning-free time!

On the other hand, some couples might find comfort in continuing to plan their special day. You may find with the pushed out date, you now have time to plan elements you thought you’d have to skip. If you’re worried about your new wedding plans changing, you can always work on elements that aren’t tied to a specific date. For example, you can work on your vows or tackle some DIY wedding crafts.

Mark your special day

Instead of dreading your original wedding date as it creeps closer on the calendar, do something special to mark the occasion. Some couples are choosing to put on their wedding outfits and celebrate by taking photos and cutting into a cake. You can open up a fancy bottle of wine, go out on a romantic date with your partner, have a Zoom call with your wedding party or whatever special thing you want to do to make your original wedding date a happy one!

Find new meaning

With your wedding postponed during a global pandemic, you might find your special day has taken on new meaning. Perhaps your wedding will be the first big family event when all of your relatives will be able to get together. With everyone looking forward to seeing one another, your wedding might be what brings them all together after a long time apart.

Or perhaps the postponement has made you realize you want your wedding to take on a new direction. Some couples are choosing to pare down their guest list and re-centre their celebration on what truly matters to them. Others are choosing to go all out and make it a party to remember! With a postponement, now is the time to figure out what is most important and what your wedding means to you.

Prepare for your marriage

Another silver lining of a postponed wedding? More time to prepare for your lifetime marriage! Now is the perfect time to invest in your relationship. Planning a wedding twice is hard, especially if you have to do it during a global pandemic with all the added stress and hardship that brings. If your relationship can weather that storm, you’ll know you’re on the right track.

If you want to ensure your marriage starts on the right foot, look into relationship coaching. Now is the ideal time to set a strong foundation for your marriage. Or if you’re struggling and need some relationship TLC, look into counselling options.

Our hearts go out to every couple who has had to postpone, cancel or alter plans because of the coronavirus pandemic. We know this is a tough time but we also know you can get through it. We can’t wait to celebrate your love with you once it is safe to do so!

written by Riana Ang-Canning

If you come from a big family, they might be expecting you to have a big wedding. But what happens if you’re actually dreaming of something much smaller? How do you break the news and tell your family you want to elope?

If big weddings are what have always been done in your family and your parents have been planning your 200+ person wedding since you were in diapers, it can be really tough to announce you’re doing something different. But this is your day and the beginning of your marriage. You deserve to have the celebration you want.

So if you want to elope or keep things small but don’t know how to share the news with your family, check out our tips below!

Get on the same page about your elopement

First things first, you and your partner need to get on the same page. If you anticipate some push back or negative reactions from your family, you need to make sure you’re both 100% on board with an elopement. Discuss your reasons and your doubts with one another in private and agree to present a strong, united front to your families and friends.

Don’t falter and don’t throw the other person under the bus. Nothing kills an elopement idea faster than admitting to your grandma that your partner is forcing you to do this.

Decide on guests

Just because you’re eloping or having a smaller wedding doesn’t mean that none of your loved ones can attend. You can still invite people in your life to your elopement, if you want them to be there. With a small wedding, the guest list is very important since it’s so limited. Decide together who is making the cut and stick to your list. If you let your family knows there’s wiggle room, you’ll soon find yourself inviting way more people than you had intended.

Of course, if you want to elope just the two of you, that’s okay too!

Set expectations with your family early about your elopement

If you know you want to elope, start setting those expectations amongst your family as soon as possible. Even before you’re engaged, you can bring up the topic of elopements and start dropping hints that you’re leaning towards a non-traditional wedding.

At your engagement party, don’t let your aunts go on and on about venues and catering if you know for sure you’ll be eloping on the beach with two witnesses. If a cousin asks you what date to save, don’t lead them on. Try to get one family member on your side and fill them in on your plans. That way, they can help spread the word that a big wedding isn’t in the cards for you two.

Expect & acknowledge hurt feelings

Understand that some of your friends and family will be hurt when they find out they won’t get to attend your wedding. There will be people who are upset they won’t get to celebrate with you and people who are disappointed they won’t get to attend a big family function. There will be people who are offended because they think big weddings are how it’s done or, they think you’re judging their own big wedding.

Unfortunately, these negative reactions can’t always be avoided, but don’t let them ruin your plans. Be brave in the decision you have made together. Express empathy and understand that there’s a lot of meaning, emotion and tradition tied up in weddings. Listen to concerns and allow people to vent, but don’t get angry or get into a debate about the decision you’ve made.

Should you share the news about your elopement with your family in advance?

One of the big decisions couples have to make is whether to fill family in on the news of their elopement ahead of time or after the fact. There are pros and cons to both and it really comes down to your individual relationships.

There are certain people in your life who will want to hear your plans ahead of time. Usually parents, or anyone who has been thinking about your wedding for a long time, will want to be informed. Tell these important people in advance so they have lots of time to react and (hopefully) get on board. It can be a huge adjustment and they may need some time to come around to your plan. You’ll also want to have these conversations in person, if possible, as they are important.

Explain what an elopement is to your family

For many people, an elopement is a couple running off in secret to get married at the courthouse without their family’s permission. But nowadays, an elopement can be so much more than that. An elopement can involve guests, decor and lots of planning. They don’t have to happen at courthouses – you can elope locally or abroad (or even on a mountaintop!).

Some of your family’s apprehension about an elopement may stem from the fact that they just don’t know what a modern elopement looks like. Explain to them what you’re planning so they can put some of their worries aside.

Lead with excitement

At the end of the day, your family loves you and wants what is best for you (at least, we hope that they do). Once they realize an elopement is truly what you want, that should help them get on board with the idea.

So when you’re sharing your small wedding plans, lead with excitement! Let your family know how important an elopement is to you and that this small wedding is what will make you happy. Make sure your joy is centred on “eloping makes us happy” and not “the fact that you’re not invited is thrilling.”

Bring the focus back to your marriage

While weddings are momentous and meaningful, at the end of the day, it’s your marriage that is truly important. Help alleviate some disappointment about your small wedding by reminding your friends and family about this fact. Just because they aren’t attending the elopement doesn’t mean they won’t be a big part of your marriage.

Consider saying something like, “We love you so much and we really appreciate your support for our marriage. While you may not be there on the wedding day, we know we’ll spend so many important days of our marriage with special people like you who will support us in the years to come.”

Explain your reasoning (or not) for eloping

The most common question you’ll get when you announce that you’re eloping is why. Some people may be genuinely curious and others may just be confused or disappointed. There are lots of reasons to elope or have a small wedding such as not having the funds for a big wedding, not wanting the stress of wedding planning, or wanting a more private ceremony. All of these reasons are valid and you do not need to justify or explain them to anyone.

Some people in your family will benefit from hearing your reasoning. It will help them to wrap their heads around your decision if they know why you are making it. Other people may be offended by your reasoning or use it to try and attack your decision. For those people, it’s best to avoid engaging. Simply say, “We don’t feel a big wedding is for us” and leave it at that.

The most important thing to stress when explaining your decision is that you’re not eloping because you don’t love your family and don’t want them to be in your life. This is a decision about you two, not about them.

Keep your family involved in your elopement plans

One reason family members may be disappointed about your elopement is that they don’t get to be involved. Not only attending your wedding, but your family may have dreamed of helping you find the perfect outfit or getting ready with you on the morning of. Luckily, there are lots of ways for your family to be involved in your elopement, even if they’re not there on the day. Check out our blog post on how to include your loved ones in your elopement.

How to tell your family you eloped after the fact

You’ve likely decided not to tell all of your friends and family about your decision to elope ahead of time – which is perfectly fine! But you do need to figure out a way to tell them after the fact. Hint: It’s not with a post on social media.

As best you can, share your news in person or in-real time. You’ll want to try and reach everyone on the same day, so the news doesn’t begin to spread like broken telephone and Uncle Carl gets upset he had to hear it from Cousin Melvin instead of from you. Only after you’ve told all the important people in your life about your elopement in person or over the phone should you share it on social media.

Yes, some people will be hurt that they didn’t know ahead of time or that they weren’t invited. But it’s hard to stay mad at excited newlyweds saying, “Surprise, we’re married!”

The option to still have a wedding event with family

Even if you’re eloping or planning a smaller wedding, there’s still an option to have a big family event. You can elope in private and still hold a big reception with friends and family. If finances are part of the reason you eloped, you can make your after-party more casual and budget-friendly (think: buying the first round of drinks at the bar or a pizza party at your parents’ house).

You can also hold your event before or after the fact, if you want to avoid the stress of planning a big wedding party on top of your elopement. Consider something like a pot-luck brunch to announce your engagement or a family picnic to celebrate your one year anniversary.

Of course, you don’t have to hold an event for your family. If one of the reasons you want to elope is to avoid this, that’s absolutely fine. You can celebrate in smaller groups, like a dinner at your house with just your parents and parents-in-law. Or you can celebrate by gifting family members with photo albums or framed photos from your wedding.

Remember: Your wedding, your way!

At the end of the day, your wedding should be about the two of you. Whether that involves 300 guests or no guests at all, you should get married in the way that you want to. Your wedding should be about what’s important to the two of you and what you value most. How do you want to start your married lives together? That’s the wedding you should have.

Now that you know how to tell your family that you’re eloping, it’s time to book your elopement package. Check out our packages and get in touch to book your wedding officiant!

feature image by Erica Miller Photography
written by Riana Ang-Canning

We’ve all heard the running joke, “Why would I need to have a wedding rehearsal? I know how to walk!” But a wedding rehearsal is so much more than just practicing your walk (and, let’s be honest, some in your wedding party could actually use the practice!).

What is a wedding rehearsal?

A wedding rehearsal is a run-through of the wedding ceremony. It usually takes place a few days before the wedding and allows everyone involved in the wedding to know where they will be and when. It’s the perfect time to answer questions and work out any hiccups. A wedding rehearsal helps everyone to know what to expect on the big day.

Who gets invited to a wedding rehearsal?

The couple getting married (duh), the wedding party and anyone who will have a role in the ceremony should be invited to the wedding rehearsal. This could include parents or grandparents who might be walking down the aisle during the processional or people who will be giving a reading. Basically, anyone who needs to move at a specified time during your ceremony should attend.

If you have a wedding planner or wedding coordinator, they should also attend your rehearsal. They can help point out any potential issues and liaise with other vendors, such as your DJ, to keep them informed of what will happen during the ceremony.

Lastly (and in our biased opinion, pretty importantly), you want to invite your officiant. Your officiant will take the lead and be in charge of the wedding rehearsal. They will have a lot of experience and know how to expertly guide you and your wedding party through a dry-run of your big day.

What about the rehearsal dinner?

A lot of the talk these days is around the rehearsal dinner, totally forgetting about the actual wedding rehearsal. But the wedding rehearsal is the important part. The dinner is totally optional! If you want to make it an event, a rehearsal dinner is a great way to enjoy the company of your wedding party right before the big day when everyone is excited. It’s also a nice chance to connect with in-laws and even hear some toasts you won’t have time for on the wedding day.

But if you’d rather just host a pizza party back at your place after the rehearsal, that’s fine too!

Do we really need to have a wedding rehearsal?

It may seem like added stress and just one more thing you have to organize for your wedding, but the rehearsal will actual help to ease the stress and set you up for an awesome ceremony.

Unless you’re getting married just the two of you and the officiant, with no wedding party, no readers and no aisle, then we say a wedding rehearsal is pretty important.

Don’t believe us? Check out our 8 reasons why you should have a wedding rehearsal, plus some bonus tips for how to have the best rehearsal!

Reason #1: To put the focus where it should be

The whole point of your wedding is to celebrate your marriage.

It can be really easy to get lost in all the details of outfit fittings, cake tastings and venue visits. But at the end of the day, the whole reason for the party is the ceremony when you become a married couple. If any part of the day deserves some more attention, it’s the ceremony.

During your wedding rehearsal, your officiant will be able to convey that message to your group and re-centre everyone on the meaning of the day.

Reason #2: To work out any pre-wedding jitters

We’re not saying a wedding rehearsal will make your stomach completely butterfly-free on the wedding day but it can help to keep those cold feet away. A lot of nervous energy comes from the unknown. But if you do a walk-through of your wedding ceremony and know exactly what to expect, you won’t have those worries.

A wedding rehearsal is also the perfect place to ask questions and put your mind at ease. Your officiant is there to answer your questions and ensure you feel calm and confident walking into your ceremony. If you’re nervous about walking in your new shoes, nailing the first kiss or where to keep your vows, those are all things you can practice or fix during your rehearsal.

Reason #3: So you know where to go, sit and stand

You may think you know how to walk down an aisle but a wedding rehearsal is about way more than that. Here are a few things you’ll need to think about as the couple of the hour:

Are you both coming down the aisle or will one person be waiting at the front?
If you are coming down the aisle, are you walking alone, together or with other people?
Are there music cues you are waiting for?
If you’re carrying flowers, who will hold them and when will you pass them off?
Where will you go to sign your marriage licence?

Reason #4: So your wedding party knows where to go, sit and stand

It’s not just about you two; it’s also about your wedding party. While many members of the wedding party may roll their eyes at the thought of practicing walking in a straight line, you’ll learn there’s quite a bit for them to practice.

Will your wedding party be processing down the aisle or already standing at the front?
What order is the processional? Who in your wedding party is walking first, second, etc.?
What will their pacing and spacing look like coming down the aisle?
Where do they stand at the end of the aisle? Will the spots be marked? Are they in a straight line or diagonal?
Or will they be sitting? If so, are the spaces marked?
If they’re holding flowers, how should they hold them? If they have pants with pockets, would you prefer they keep their hands out of their pockets?
What order is the recessional?

Reason #5: So your guests of honour know where to go, sit and stand

Lastly, you’ll want to think about the other people involved in your wedding ceremony, but who aren’t necessarily a part of the wedding party. These guests of honour may be your parents, grandparents, siblings or people with a special job at the ceremony, like readers or singers. The wedding rehearsal gives them a chance to learn more about their roles too.

Will they be involved in the processional or recessional? If so, in what order?
Where will they sit? Are these places marked?
If they need to come to the front, do they have easy access? And where are they going?

Reason #6: So your little ones get some practice

We can’t forget the little ones! If you have kids in your wedding party, it’s extremely important that you have a wedding rehearsal. Most kids are not experienced in performing in front of big crowds and can really benefit from having clear instructions and a chance to practice their job.

We’re not saying a wedding rehearsal will ensure you don’t end up with a crying toddler who refuses to walk down the aisle, but it will definitely help!

Reason #7: To figure out how the rings make it to you

It’s not just about how the people will get where they need to be on the big day, it’s also about the important things, like the rings! Who is carrying your rings? If you don’t have a ring bearer, is a member of the wedding party responsible for them? When do they get handed to you?

The same goes for any other important item you need for your ceremony – your vows, a unity candle, the special pen you want to use to sign your licence – you need to know where it’s being kept, how it’s getting to you, and how it will make it home safely. And these are all things you can figure out at your wedding rehearsal!

Tip: If you do have a small child as your ring bearer, don’t give them the rings until right before they walk down the aisle. Nothings says disaster better than a five year old holding onto two small objects for more than a few minutes.

Another tip: Not sure where to put your vows? Ask your officiant! Your officiant will be more than happy to bring your vows to your ceremony for you and hand them to you at the front.

Reason #8: Don’t worry, a wedding rehearsal won’t ruin the magic of the ceremony!

One concern we’ve heard from couples is that they don’t want to do have a wedding rehearsal because they’re scared it will ruin the magic of the actual ceremony. And we can promise you, it won’t!

Your wedding rehearsal is a run-through of the main points of your ceremony. It’s not a full version of your ceremony. So you won’t actually say your vows or hear the officiant saying the words they will say on your big day. And trust us, even if you did want to practice your vows, nothing will compare to the magical moment of you saying them for real during your ceremony.

Bonus: 4 tips for your wedding rehearsal

Sold on the wedding rehearsal? We hope so! At the end of the day, the wedding rehearsal is all about decreasing stress and helping everyone feel more prepared for your amazing ceremony. Here are a few more tips to ensure your wedding rehearsal goes extra smooth:

Start at the end of the aisle. We know it sounds strange, but when you’re figuring out your processional/recessional, you should actually start with everyone at the end of the aisle in their places for the ceremony. From there, you can have them run it from the top and walk down the aisle – because now they’ll know where they’re going when they get there!
Give yourself extra time. While the actual rehearsal may only take 15 minutes, you’ll want to give yourself closer to an hour. With a big group, people will be running late and it will take a while to get everyone settled and ready to go. You’ll also want to leave time for questions and practicing anything that needs extra work.
Can’t get into your ceremony space ahead of time? That’s okay! One obstacle couples face when planning their wedding rehearsal is not being able to access their ceremony space in the days before their wedding. While you ideally want to rehearse in the same space where you’ll be getting married, you can rehearse off-site. All you need is a large room and a little creativity to imagine an aisle, chairs, etc.
We strongly suggest not holding your rehearsal on the same day as your wedding. It can be tempting to schedule your rehearsal on the morning of your wedding, since you have access to the space, but it’s not a great idea. The day of the wedding can be stressful and things often run behind. The rehearsal can end up being poorly attended or skipped altogether if people are busy getting dressed, doing their hair or taking photos. Plus, the whole point of the wedding rehearsal is to go over your ceremony when you’re calm and have time to work out any issues. That won’t be the case on the busy morning of your wedding.

Now that you know why you need to have a wedding rehearsal, make sure you have your officiant there to facilitate the rehearsal and lead your big day. Book your wedding officiant now!

written by Riana Ang-Canning

It seems that as soon as you announce you two are engaged, everyone has an opinion. And no one has more opinions than your family. So how do you manage all of those family opinions about your wedding?

We all love our families. But sometimes when you’re planning the biggest event of your life involving more money than you’ve ever spent and more relationships than you’ve ever had to manage, family can suck. It’s no wonder that newlyweds report stress, arguments, hurt feelings and breakdowns with loved ones in the months leading up to their wedding.

Here’s how to manage family opinions about your wedding so no one gets disowned or uninvited from the next family reunion!

Note: When we’re talking about family opinions, we mean opinions like whether or not you should have a buffet dinner or what kind of flowers you should buy. We don’t mean opinions on who you choose to spend your life with. If your family relationships are toxic and they don’t respect you and your life, those are opinions you don’t need.

Couple embracing — *by Erica Miller Photography*

Be a united front

First things first, you and your spouse-to-be need to be a united front. Get on the same page from the moment you get engaged (actually, well before that). Decide together how you want to announce your engagement and how involved your families will be in the wedding planning. Talk about your budget, your guest list and what you want out of your wedding before you involve anyone else.

The last thing you want is your mother-in-law calling to confirm she’s singing at your reception because your partner okayed it even though you would rather die.

Create a buffer line

The moment you get engaged is an exciting time. You want to celebrate! You don’t want to hear family opinions about your wedding. So if you’re not ready for an onslaught of opinions and advice, come up with a buffer line. Or, feel free to borrow ours.

So when your aunt starts talking your ear off about her neighbour who’s a caterer only hours after you get engaged just say, “Thank you so much for thinking of us, Aunt Sherry. We’re just really excited to be engaged right now and want to focus on celebrating that!”

Newlyweds hugging their parents — *by Erica Miller Photography*

Value the relationship

When you’re overwhelmed with family opinions about your wedding, it can be easy to get frustrated. And it’s perfectly understandable! Your cousin won’t shut up about the band he wants you to hire (even though you prefer a DJ) so when he calls (again!), you only see red.

But remember that’s also the cousin who babysat you when you were six, who helped you pass Calculus, who lied to your parents when you broke curfew, who always saves you the best seat at Christmas dinner, and who welcomed your partner into the family with open arms.

Sure, right now he might be annoying you with his band suggestions but remember he is so much more than that.

Be careful how you ask for family opinions about your wedding

Here’s a big one: if you don’t want your family to give their opinions about your wedding, don’t ask for them! Of course, many family members will share opinions whether they’re asked or not – that’s what family does. But it helps when you’re clear about what opinion you want.

Let’s say you’re deciding on the cake. You and your partner have chosen your baker but you’re not sure if you should go strawberry shortcake or red velvet. Instead of saying, “We haven’t decided on the cake yet,” which might invite lots of opinions, baker referrals and even offers to bake a cake for you (no thanks, Uncle Tim), try saying, “We’ve decided it’s going to be strawberry shortcake or red velvet. Uncle Tim, you have a legendary sweet tooth, which of those two would you prefer?”

Keep it specific, make the choices easy, and let Uncle Tim know you value his opinion.

Family celebrating a wedding; not letting family opinions about your wedding get in the way — *by Erica Miller Photography*

Remember the emotions involved

Wedding planning can be really stressful. Not only is this event likely the biggest one you’ll ever plan, but it’s also filled with a lot of emotions. A guest list becomes a competition to see which family members make the cut. A wedding party becomes a ranking of best friends. Even a simple decision on what shoes you’re going to wear can carry a lot of emotional weight.

These decisions aren’t easy. They can get even more complicated when you’re combining families that come from different cultures, religions or backgrounds where certain elements of the wedding mean more. Know that emotions will get involved and family opinions will need to be handled with more care.

Remember the money involved

Not only is a wedding filled with emotions, it’s also really expensive! For most couples, their wedding is the most expensive event in their lives. It can be really difficult to make decisions when that much money is on the line. And even more difficult when it’s not just your own money.

Many families contribute to their children’s wedding fund. Or you may have an aunt, uncle or grandparent who is also pitching in. Family opinions about your wedding become that much more complicated when there’s also cash attached. It might be easy to brush off an opinion of someone who isn’t contributing but when that person holds the purse strings, it’s harder to say no.

Our best advice? Communicate. Sit your families down early in the wedding process and get clear on how much is being contributed and what that contribution means. Does paying for 50% of the wedding entitle them to 50% of the decision making power? And if you’re not cool with that, then what? Make sure you’re all on the same page before you start making any decisions.

The good news? All of that communicating about money and family is perfect practice for your marriage!

Family wedding in Stanley Park — *by Erica Miller Photography*

Get at the “why”

When you’re feeling frustrated and overwhelmed with your families’ opinions about your wedding, it can help to take a step back and consider the “why.” Why is your dad so insistent on a church wedding? Why is your mom saying everyone needs a plus one even though it’s out of your budget? Why won’t your sister shut up about honeymooning in Aruba?

When appropriate, and when you can have a calm conversation about it, ask your family members why they hold certain opinions about your wedding. Get at the root of the opinion, explain your thoughts and see if you can find common ground. You might not end up on the same page but at least you’ll have a better understanding of where your family is coming from.

Bottom line: Your wedding is your day. But your family will still be your family after that day.

One thing we always say at Young Hip & Married is, “Your wedding. Your way.” And while we definitely believe you should have a wedding that fits your unique love story, we don’t think you should burn all your bridges on the way there.

It can be tempting to tell everyone with an opinion where they can shove it. After all, this is your wedding! But after the wedding is over, your family will still be your family. They were there for you before your wedding and they will be there afterwards. You don’t want to look out at a reception full of scowling faces or find yourself getting the silent treatment every Christmas.

Communicate with your family as clearly as possible. Compromise where you can and politely stand your ground when you need to. Remember all of the emotions, relationships and money involved. Lean on your partner and work together with your families.

At the end of the day, family opinions about your wedding all come from a place of love. Every aunt, uncle, cousin, grandparent, sibling, parent or loved one who shares their opinion with you is doing so because they want you to have the best wedding ever. And even if you think their opinion kind of sucks (sorry grandma, but there won’t be congee at cocktail hour), it’s pretty awesome to think that so many people love you and want you to be happy.

How are you handling family opinions about your wedding? Let us know and don’t forget to book your wedding officiant – we’re experts at handling difficult families!

written by Riana Ang-Canning

They say your wedding is supposed to be the most magical and perfect day of your life. And even if it isn’t (and spoiler alert: it shouldn’t be), you still don’t want to walk away from your big day with wedding regrets.

Your wedding is a big day – a day you have likely put a lot of time, thought and money into. It’s a celebration of your love and relationship, and the starting point of your marriage. And yet, many newlyweds admit to having wedding regrets.

What are the most common wedding regrets newlyweds have? And, more importantly, how can you avoid having these regrets about your wedding?

Couple in the snow at their helicopter elopement — *by Emily Nicole Photos*

Wedding Regret #1: Not hiring a videographer

One of the most common wedding regrets is not hiring a videographer. While most couples opt for photography, not everyone thinks videography is necessary. You might be getting flashbacks to bad 80’s wedding videos. But modern videography isn’t like that.

These days, wedding videos can fit your style. From sweet and sentimental to MTV music video, your wedding video can be whatever you want it to be. You can hire professionals for full coverage of your day or just for certain portions (like your ceremony!). You can even crowdsource videos from your guests. At the end of the day, a wedding video is just a great way to help you remember and relive your wedding day.

Wedding Regret #2: Inviting people you didn’t really want to be there

Our good friend Aleisha of the Bridechilla Podcast refers to these people as “obligation guests.” Obligation guests are people you don’t exactly want at your wedding, but that you feel obligated to invite, like the cousin you haven’t seen since middle school, your mom’s friend from her bridge club or that one co-worker you don’t actually get along with.

Like Aleisha, we’re fans of ditching obligation guests whenever possible. The last thing you want to do when you’re walking up the aisle is see a face and think, “Who are you and why are you here?” And you certainly don’t want to be buying dinner for someone you don’t know or, worse, someone you don’t like! You should be able to surround yourself with loved ones who mean something to you on your wedding day, not people you have to fake a smile around.

Couple getting married — *by Erica Miller Photography*

Wedding Regret #3: Not spending enough time with loved ones

On the other side of the wedding regrets spectrum from obligation guests is not spending enough time with the people who are important to you. When you’re the star of the show, it can often feel like you’re being pulled in a million different directions on your wedding day. Before you know it, the DJ is playing the last song of the night and you haven’t said more than, “Thanks for coming to my wedding!” to most of your guests.

It can be hard to prioritize spending time with loved ones on a day as busy as your wedding. But if taking time to catch up with people is important to you, work it into your wedding schedule ahead of time. You can do this by opting to take photos pre-ceremony, so you can socialize during your cocktail hour. Or you can host pre or post wedding events, like a brunch the next morning, to give you more time to see everyone.

Wedding Regret #4: DIY projects

Sometimes DIY can turn into DI-why?!? While the idea of making bouquets by hand, baking your own wedding cake or sewing together seat covers may sound genius, it’s not always the best plan. You may think you’ll save money by doing it yourself but you may end up wasting time, increasing your stress levels and calling in a professional last minute anyway. If you’re up until 3:00AM hot-gluing sequins to vases the week before your wedding, it’s time to put the glue gun down and step away.

Don’t get us wrong – we’re not against DIY. We love a good crafting session! But only when you go into it with the right mindset. Your DIY projects should be realistic, something you enjoy doing and something that will help to make your wedding more personal and meaningful. If you have no experience in the kitchen and hate baking, you shouldn’t be making your own wedding cake. That stress will cost you in the long run!

Couple holding hands at their ceremony - no wedding regrets here! — *by Erica Miller Photography*

Wedding Regret #5: Trying too hard to please everyone

When it comes to weddings, it seems that everyone has an opinion. And sadly, trying to listen to so many opinions often means drowning out your own. One of the worst wedding regrets is looking back and realizing your whole wedding was saying yes to everyone but yourself.

From the moment you announce your engagement, you’ll likely have everyone from your best friend to your barista offering an opinion or asking a question. Set yourself up for success by having a go to line like, “Thanks so much for your thoughts! We’ll keep that in mind and definitely reach out if we need more information.” Accept opinions with a smile but know that the ultimate decision needs to sit well with you and your partner, no one else.

Wedding Regret #6: Missing out on photos with specific loved ones

Sadly, another wedding regret we hear a lot is newlyweds who are disappointed that they missed out on specific photos. Especially if the photos were with a loved one who might not be around for the next big occasion.

To avoid this wedding regret, it’s important you talk to your wedding photographer ahead of time. While most photographers don’t need a shot list and will be sure to capture all of the standard photos, if you have something specific in mind, you need to let it be known. Your photographer isn’t a mind reader! So if you want a photo with your three best friends from college because you haven’t all been in the same city since graduation, or with your great aunt on the dance floor, let your photographer know and they’ll make it happen.

Wedding Regret #7: Spending too much on things you don’t care about

A lot of wedding regrets fall into two categories – spending too much or not spending enough. Every couple is different and will have different priorities. But the general theme is that you regret spending too much money on things you just don’t care about.

Don’t get swept up in what things are supposed to cost and what wedding items are “must-have.” It doesn’t matter if your brother spent 50% of his wedding budget on florals. If you don’t care about flowers, don’t spend a lot of money on them. As you find yourself getting caught up in the wedding planning process, remember to step back and focus on what actually matters. Do you care about napkin colours and monogrammed glassware? Probably not. So don’t spend on it.

Wedding Regret #8: Not investing in things you do care about

On the other hand, another very common wedding regret is the exact opposite: not spending enough on the things you do care about. Again, this is going to look different for every couple. What matters most to you? That’s where you should be investing your time, effort and money.

If you’re huge foodies, take your time finding the best caterer, going to tastings (yum!) and shelling out a bit more for a dream menu. You can cut back on your budget in other areas where you don’t care as much. If you want our (pretty biased) opinion, investing in your ceremony is always a good idea!

Couple eating ice cream - no wedding regrets about ice cream! — *by Jelger and Tanja*

Wedding Regret #9: Forgetting to eat

So let’s say you spend all that money on the fancy hors d’oeuvres, mouth watering entrees and amazing cake. But then the night ends and you realize, “Wait a minute. I didn’t get to eat any of it!” Many couples spend months picking out the best food options only to reach the end of their wedding day without having tasted any of it.

Don’t leave your wedding hungry! Not only is it sad to miss out on the food you spent so much time choosing, but it’s a bad idea to try and make it through the longest day of your life on an empty stomach. As the stars of the show, you might not have time to enjoy a proper sit down meal as you’ll be constantly pulled aside for photos, hugs, speeches and more. Talk to your caterer about saving you a plate or have a plate brought to you during your portrait session. Before the reception, ensure you have snacks on hand and that you make time in your schedule for breakfast!

Wedding Regret #10: Rushing through the day

While your wedding day will likely feel very long (especially if you’re wearing shoes that pinch your toes), it also goes by in a flash. Blink and you’ll miss it. But you don’t want to miss your own wedding day! This is a day that you will want to be present for and remember every moment.

To help push pause on your wedding day, build breaks into your wedding schedule. Instead of going straight to family photos after your ceremony, add ten minutes for you and your partner to sit alone in a room (maybe with some food!) and soak in the fact that you just got married! If your photographer says you need 30 minutes for your first look, allow 45 so you can spend some time together. Invite your parents to come and get ready with you, so you can drink mimosas together before the day gets started. Whenever possible, take time to breathe deep and appreciate the moment.

Happy newlyweds — *by Emily Nicole Photos*

What are some wedding regrets you’re worried about? Or if you’re already married, what is your biggest wedding regret?

written by Riana Ang-Canning

We get it. Wedding planning can be super stressful. When else have you been asked to plan a party for 200 of your closest friends, while spending thousands of dollars and trying to keep all of your family (and your in-laws) happy? It’s a lot! And with all of that going on, it’s inevitable that you and your sweetheart are going to disagree about your wedding.

Disagreements happen – in life and in wedding planning! You won’t always be on the same page and sometimes, an argument takes place. But the important thing is that you’re able to make up, move forward and walk down that aisle with a genuine smile on your face on the big day.

Here’s what to do when you and your boo disagree about your wedding:

Come up with your top three

A great way to start your wedding planning on the same page and help you through future disagreements is coming up with your top three. Separately, both you and your partner write down the top three things that are most important for you to have at your wedding. Then, compare lists and try to come up with one ethos that describes your day.

For example: Let’s say you really want a personalized ceremony, delicious food and a cool venue. Your partner wants hand-written vows, a great photographer and a live band. So together, you’re looking for a ceremony that represents your unique story, a great reception atmosphere and a wonderful photographer to capture it all. With these priorities in mind, you can spend less time and money on things that didn’t make your top three, like flowers or outfits.

Keep your top three in mind and you can avoid arguing about things that aren’t important to you.

Talk through hot-button topics

Another way to difuse an argument is to proactively talk through some of the biggest hot-button topics that come up in all wedding planning: family and money. A lot of wedding disagreements boil down to issues with family (especially when it’s not yours!) and budget concerns. So before things get out of hand, talk through these big topics.

You should discuss things like: How involved will your families be in planning the wedding? Who is contributing financially to the wedding? What is your wedding budget? And who is responsible for cutting your aunt off when her wedding speech gets a little rambly?

While these topics aren’t always fun to talk about, they are good practice. This won’t be the first time you’ll need to discuss finances or family issues during your marriage.

Talk when you’re ready

The best time to talk about wedding planning is when both you and your partner are calm and prepared, especially if it’s a wedding planning topic you’re disagreeing about. The last thing you want to do is bring up an overdue vendor bill right in the middle of Christmas dinner with your family.

Set aside designated wedding planning time when both you and your partner agree to come prepared to talk. Keep things relaxed and don’t allow any distractions, such as phones or TVs. You might want to choose one night a week when you can settle down on the couch, pour yourselves a couple of glasses of wine, and calmly discuss your wedding planning together.

Take a time out

Even if you’re both calm and relaxed, wedding disagreements can occur and they can escalate. When disagreements get too heated, the best thing to do is take a break. No matter what you’re discussing, you always want to respect your partner and not let your fight cross any lines.

It’s also a good idea to take a break from wedding planning in general. Not all of your conversations with your spouse-to-be need to revolve around flowers, favours and fittings. Make sure you’re taking regular breaks from wedding planning to enjoy life outside of your big day. Schedule regular “no wedding talk” date nights when you can just focus on the two of you.

Seek to understand

When you’re in the middle of the Big Fight between daisies and lillies for your centrepieces, it can be easy to only focus on winning and proving your own point. But before you reach a stalemate or get into a screaming match, take a step back and seek to understand where your partner is coming from.

Put yourself in their shoes and try to see things from their perspective. Did they grow up with certain traditions and beliefs? Have they always talked about their love for daisies? Did their best friend have lillies at her wedding and now your boo is convinced lillies are the best?

Find the root of the problem

Sometimes the wedding planning disagreement in front of you isn’t the real problem at hand. Take our flower dilemma; maybe it’s not really about daisies versus lillies. If you find yourself midway through an argument wondering why your partner, who doesn’t care about flowers, is suddenly screaming about blooms, it’s time to do a little digging. What’s the real problem here?

Perhaps it’s not about flowers, but about money. Is your partner worried about the budget? Or maybe it has nothing to do with the wedding at all. Sometimes having a hard day at work can result in a passive aggressive text conversation about flower choices. You might be hearing, “They don’t care about my flower choices and therefore they don’t care about me!” While your partner might actually be saying, “I had the worst day at work today and I’m taking it out on those daisies!”

Before you start your smear campaign against lillies, make sure you know what the real problem is.

Be ready to compromise

Wedding planning, like marriage, is often about compromising. So just think that every compromise you make during your wedding planning is actually great practice for your lifelong marriage ahead.

Compromising can come in different forms. Sometimes you’ll get your way and sometimes your partner will get their way. Sometimes you’ll meet in the middle and sometimes you’ll come up with a new creative solution all-together. The point is that you both need to be ready to compromise. Approach your wedding planning issues with an open mind and the goal of solving problems together – not ensuring your way always wins.

Remember the long term goal

At the end of the day, what is your wedding all about? It’s about your marriage! This one-day event is going to be awesome, but it’s also only one day. It’s a celebration and a symbol of your relationship and lifelong commitment to one another. Every choice you make during your wedding planning should honour your longterm goal: a great marriage.

It can be hard to remember that goal when you’re shuffling through napkin colour swatches, emailing an endless list of vendors, or collecting RSVPs from family members who refuse to respond by the deadline. But it’s so important to keep your marriage at the forefront of your wedding planning.

Is your disagrement about the cake going to affect your marriage five years from now? Probably not. So find a way to move past it and put your marriage first.

Having kids in your wedding party can go from magical Disney levels of happiness to a terrible twos tantrum real quick if you don’t play by the rules. If you’re inviting children to be a part of your wedding party, you’re going to want to be prepared.

Don’t get us wrong! It can be a lot of fun and very meaningful to have specials kids in your life play a role on your wedding day. But it can also be stressful. And the last thing you need right now is more stress. So check out our 10 rules for having kids in your wedding party below!

Reminder: You don’t have to have kids in your wedding party

Before we dive in, we just want to remind you that having kids in your wedding party is not mandatory. You don’t have to do it! If you don’t have any children you’re close to, it’s not worth the hassle of recruiting your second cousin’s twin sons, who you’ve only met once, just to try and get some cute wedding photos (spoiler alert: those cute photos don’t come easy!). Having children in your wedding is a lot of work and you shouldn’t be scraping the barrel of kids you kind-of know just to find two cute five year olds to hold some flowers.

Of course, if you do have important children in your life (like maybe, your own!), you should absolutely include kids in your wedding. So here are our 10 rules for having kids in your wedding party:

1. Don’t give them anything valuable

The idea of an adorable ring bearer coming down the aisle is enough to elicit a round of “Awwwws” from almost anyone. But do you know what’s not so adorable? Turning around five minutes before the ceremony to find out that sweet little Taylor has totally misplaced the rings! Rule #1 when it comes to children in wedding parties: Do not give them anything valuable!

Instead of allowing your ring bearer to hold onto the rings, consider giving the rings to an adult member of the wedding party and having your little ring bearer be strictly symbolic. If you do want your child ring bearer to carry the rings, make sure you give the rings to them just a minute before they walk down the aisle – and that someone is keeping an eye on the bling at all times!

This goes for anything else you consider valuable on your wedding day. Children are awesome but mistakes happen, especially when you’re trusting a five year old to wear a special irreplaceable heirloom bracelet from grandma!

2. Make kids’ wedding outfits as easy as possible

We’ve all seen the photos of kids decked out in tiny suits or full tulle skirts. And they’re adorable! But they aren’t always the best choice. Besides the cute factor, you need to think about a few other things when it comes to kids’ wedding outfits.

First of all, is the outfit comfortable? You might be willing to squeeze into too-tight shoes for the day but you can’t expect the same of a 10 year old. Is the outfit complicated? Are there a million buttons to do up or a special way they need to sit in it? Think about whether an outfit like that is realistic for the child you have in mind. Does the outfit match the weather? You don’t want anyone in your wedding party to freeze during a winter wedding, but you especially don’t want to deal with a frozen child!

In addition to the look and feel of the outfit, you also need to think about the price. We might tell ourselves that, of course, our adult wedding party members will wear their outfits again and again (spoiler alert: they will not) but the same can’t be said for growing children. Think twice before you ask their parents to shell out hundreds of dollars on an outfit, especially if they have multiple children in your wedding party.

3. Know things might not go perfectly to plan

No wedding day ever goes 100% perfectly to plan. And that’s okay! Because imperfect weddings still end up being pretty perfect when you look back on them. But it’s important to keep this in mind when thinking about the children in your wedding party and the duties you’ve assigned to them. There’s a very good chance that when you trust something to an eight year old, it won’t turn out exactly as planned.

Children can get stage fright. Even the most bubbly and outgoing child may become frozen in their tracks when faced with a room full of adults staring at them as they walk down the aisle. Kids can get exhausted and tired. The wedding day is long, even for adults, so lots of children won’t make it through without a nap. Children can get sick and might even spread those germs around the wedding party. They can forget things, from their shoes to the right time to make their entrance.

Of course, not all children do all of these things. But it’s important to keep in mind that something could come up. If you go in with this mindset, and have a plan B in place, you’ll be able to stress less on your big day.

4. Give them time to be kids

Even though we dress kids up like little adults on the wedding day they are, in fact, not tiny adults. Kids are kids! And even on your wedding day, they’ll need some time to just be themselves.

If you are planning for the children in your wedding party to spend all day with you, posing for photos and waiting around, you’re going to end up with some grumpy kids on your hands. Create time in their schedule for them to play, nap, eat or hang out with other kids at your wedding.

If you’re having kids at your wedding, keep that in mind when planning your day. You need to make things child-friendly. If the theme of your reception is “free drinks” that might not work for the under 19 crowd. Incorporate a family friendly atmosphere with kid-friendly food, a fun non-alcohol drink and songs they’ll recognize. You may even want to set up games or a special space for all of the kids at your wedding to hang out.

5. Enlist some help with the kids in your wedding party

As you probably know, a wedding day can be very overwhelming and stressful. Despite all of your prep work beforehand, there’s still lots you have to do on the day. And the last thing you probably want to be doing is taking your flower child to use the bathroom while the DJ is cueing up your first dance song.

So enlist some help! If you’re not the parent of the child(ren) in your wedding party, ask their parents to get involved. Speak with them ahead of time to let them know what the day will look like and when you might need their support. If you are their parent, or their parent is also in the wedding party, ask a helpful friend or relative to be on hand and ready to take over childminding duties when needed.

6. Think through what their wedding day role will be

You want to ensure the role your little wedding attendant plays in your day is appropriate for their age and meaningful to both of you. Of course, just being a member of the wedding party is quite meaningful but you can add additional roles to really honour the children in your life.

For example, older children can be asked to do a reading at the ceremony or give a speech at the reception. Keep in mind our tip above about things not going perfectly, and have a back up plan, like an adult who can help them out if they get stage fright. Younger children can be given the honour of accompanying you down the aisle, holding your bouquet or joining you on the dance floor for a special song.

Take time to make the children in your wedding party feel important. It’s your day but it’s a big moment for them too. You can do this with one of the roles we suggested, or with something as simple as spending some quality time with them. If you don’t have time on the day, you can do it before or after the wedding. For example, make them feel like a celebrity when you go outfit shopping or present them with a special wedding party thank you gift after the big day.

7. Limit the time you need them

That sounds harsh but trust us, it’s an important rule! This won’t be the case for all children but for the most part, you want to limit the amount of time you’re requiring of your wedding party kids. If you keep them with you all day, they can get bored, restless, grumpy and exhausted.

For example, if you’re doing hair and makeup, schedule your mini attendant to go last so they aren’t waiting around forever while everyone else gets their hair and makeup done. Or let them skip hair and makeup entirely! Allow them to get dressed in another room with their parents so they don’t get overwhelmed with all of the people and cameras around. During your photo session, take all the photos you want with the children first, and then send them off to play while you take more photos with your adult attendants.

8. Rethink the role of kids in your processional

When we think of flower carriers and ring bearers in wedding parties, we usually envision them coming down the aisle during the ceremony processional. But before you start ordering ring billows and flower baskets on Etsy, take a moment to think about the children in your wedding party.

When should the kids enter during the processional? Traditionally they enter last or first but you may want to switch up the processional order. How will they come down the aisle? Older children can likely walk down one at a time but younger children may prefer to walk down together or accompanied by an adult. Very young children may need to be held or pulled in a wagon (adorable!).

Lastly, consider what the kids in your wedding party should do once they reach the end of the aisle. While your adult wedding party members may stand by your side, not every kid is able to stand and pay attention for the length of an entire ceremony. Think about making them more comfortable (and less distracting!) by allowing them to take a seat with your fellow guests once they finish walking down the aisle. That way, they can still be part of the processional but don’t have the pressure of all eyes on them for the entire ceremony.

9. A wedding rehearsal is vital

If you’re having a full size wedding ceremony, we believe you need to have a wedding rehearsal. We often hear people say, “But I know how to walk in a straight line. Why do I have to practice?” The rehearsal is about so much more than learning how to walk straight. It’s everything from walking in, where to stand, what to do and when to exit. Your officiant and planner will walk you through the ceremony and let you know exactly what is going to happen and when. It’s the perfect time to get everyone on the same page, work out any problems and ask questions.

And a wedding rehearsal is absolutely vital if you’re going to have kids in your wedding party. Kids won’t have as much experience attending weddings, so it can be very helpful for them to understand what’s going to happen ahead of time. Practicing their role is the best way to help them feel comfortable and confident on the big day. Plus, it allows you to work out any kinks, such as deciding where the wagon goes once the children make it to the end of the aisle.

We’re not saying a rehearsal guarantees a smooth, tear-free walk down the aisle but it definitely helps!

Don’t miss our Ultimate Wedding Rehearsal Guide!

10. Default to their parents

The best rule for having kids in your wedding party: default to their parents. We’ve talked a lot about what kids will and won’t do in this post but the truth is, every child is different. And while a wedding might bring out some new behaviour in them, their parents know them best.

So before you even ask a child to be in your wedding party, chat with their parents and ask some questions. Does their child like being the centre of attention? Can their child stay focused? Is their child comfortable in front of a crowd? Does their kid need to run around and blow off some energy beforehand? Would their child be more comfortable performing the role with a cousin or sibling for support?

Of course, if you are their parent, you can ask yourself these questions too. You know your child best and know what they would and wouldn’t be comfortable with. Just because you’ve seen photos of cute ring bearers and flower children, doesn’t mean that’s the right choice for your wedding or the kids in your life.

Are you planning to have kids in your wedding party?

written by Riana Ang-Canning

If you’re planning a wedding, it can feel like you have a million and one things to book, manage, build, create and decide on. Your to-do list is never ending and it can be tempting to throw it all out the window. So are programs just one more thing you need to deal with? Do you really need wedding ceremony programs?

The short answer? No.

The long answer? Maybe…

What are wedding ceremony programs?

Wedding ceremony programs are pieces of paper handed to guests as they enter the ceremony that provide them with the low down of who’s who and what’s happening. Programs will usually list the series of events that will occur during your ceremony and the names of your wedding party. They may also include the names of your parents or immediate family, and any special notes or a nice quote.

When you don’t need wedding programs

Honestly? Almost all of the time.

Most people have been to a wedding ceremony. They understand how things work and know what is going to happen. And even if you have a few surprises, usually it’s nothing that would make your guests exclaim, “Wow! I was so caught off guard and unprepared for that. I really wish I had read about it in a program 10 minutes earlier!”

As for introducing your wedding party, most of your guests will either know these important people in your life or (sorry to break it to you!) not really care to learn the name of your best friend from volleyball or favourite cousin.

If you were looking for permission to ditch your wedding ceremony programs, consider permission granted!

When you might need ceremony programs

While programs are generally not needed, there are certain situations where a program might be helpful.

If you are having a ceremony with lots of cultural or religious elements that might be unfamiliar to your guests, a program is a great place to explain what is going on and why you’re doing these things. You can explain the significance of certain traditions which will allow guests to experience your ceremony in a more meaningful way.

Programs are also very handy if part or all of your ceremony is going to be conducted in another language. If your guests aren’t bilingual, it can be nice to provide some text for them to read along so they don’t get lost.

Lastly, if you’re asking your guests to participate in your ceremony, such as by singing a song with you, a ceremony program is a great place to note this and include the lyrics or instructions.

Other great uses for wedding ceremony programs

Just because you don’t necessarily need a program, doesn’t mean they can’t be useful. If you want, let your inner Pinterest Diva shine and make an amazing program! A wedding ceremony program is a great place to put information not just about your ceremony, but about the rest of the wedding day. You can remind guests what’s coming up next or provide a map for them to get to your reception.

It can be helpful to put ceremony notes, such as your request for an unplugged ceremony, into your program. You could also add any special thank yous or memorial dedications inside your program. Programs are also nice mementos from your day that you could tuck into your wedding photo album to look back on later.

And, on a really hot day, your wedding ceremony program can double as a fan!

Sample wedding program

If you do decide to include wedding programs, here are some things you can include on yours:

Details of the day, such as the couple’s names, wedding date and location
Order of ceremony events
Explanation of any unique ceremony elements (e.g. a cultural tradition not everyone will be familiar with)
Translations of any ceremony elements happening in a language not all of your guests speak
Instructions for any guest participation elements (e.g. lyrics to a song you want your guests to sing)
Schedule of what’s happening post-ceremony
Ceremony reminders, such as your request for the ceremony to be unplugged
Optional: names of the wedding party and close family members, fun facts about the couple, wedding quotes, thank you notes

Bottom line: Do you actually need wedding ceremony programs?

The bottom line on wedding ceremony programs is that you probably don’t need one. Even if you are incorporating some unique elements into your ceremony, you could always include notes about these on your wedding website (saving paper!), on signs at the ceremony, or ask your officiant to make a special announcement. Wedding programs are not mandatory.

But if you really want a program? Go for it! If you love DIY projects and crafting, you could really get creative designing a beautiful program. Just don’t let it become a huge project that stresses you out or takes your mind off the whole point of your wedding (your incredible relationship!).

And, you’ll have to accept that most of those beautiful wedding programs will end up in recycling bins by the end of the day.

Wedding ceremony programs may not be mandatory but having someone to marry you certainly is! Book your wedding officiant today!

Written by Riana Ang-Canning