Category: Ceremony Planning

When we think about parents at wedding ceremonies, the traditional role is a father walking his daughter down the aisle. Mom is nowhere to be seen and the parents of the groom are completely ignored. But all parents, regardless of traditional gender roles, can be involved in so many more parts of a wedding ceremony!

If you and your parents have been dreaming about your big day for years or you’re just looking for ways to honour your parents in your ceremony, look no further! Below we’re sharing 11 ways to involve your parents in your wedding ceremony and a meaningful part of your big day.

But first, let’s answer a few FAQs about parents involvement in wedding ceremonies:

Are both partner’s parents involved in the wedding ceremony?

Sure, if you want them to be! In a traditional wedding with a bride and a groom, it’s only the bride’s father who has a featured role in the wedding ceremony when he walks his daughter down the aisle. But many couples are choosing to involve moms, dads, stepparents and grandparents from all sides of the family in their processional and ceremony!

There’s no reason why only one parent or one set of parents should be involved in the wedding ceremony. All of the options below work for parents or loved ones of both partners.

What if our parents don’t want to be involved? 

That’s okay! If your parents don’t want to have a role in your wedding ceremony, because they’re nervous or for other reasons, that’s perfectly fine. Their involvement isn’t mandatory.

However, if it means something to you to involve your parents in your wedding ceremony, try to explain that to them. Share why you want them to take part and listen to their concerns. Hopefully you can reach a compromise. For example, if your parents are nervous about public speaking, you can ask them to sign your marriage licence instead of reciting a prayer.

Do our parents have to be involved in the wedding ceremony? 

No, your parents don’t have to be involved in your wedding ceremony. They can be involved as little or as much as you’d like – or not involved at all! Or, if you have other loved ones you’d rather involve in the ceremony, consider them for any of the “parent roles” below.

Based on your relationship and how weddings usually happen in your family, your parents may expect to be involved in your ceremony. However, that doesn’t mean they have to be. If you don’t want them involved, that’s okay. If you want them involved, but in a different way than they might be expecting, that’s okay too.

If possible, have a conversation with your parents ahead of time to explain specifically what you want their involvement to be on the big day. Be clear about your plans and give them time to adjust. Prepare for the fact that they may have questions or hurt feelings (neither of which mean you have to compromise your plans).

What about involving kids in the wedding ceremony or blended families? 

We’re all for it! Check out this post for involving kids in wedding ceremonies and this one all about blended family weddings.

11 ways to involve your parents in your wedding ceremony

Remember, these are 11 options for involving your parents or loved ones. They’re a starting point from where you can tweak and edit until you find the choice that works best for your wedding ceremony. You can incorporate as many or as few as you and your parents want!

1. List your parents in the wedding program

If you’re having wedding programs – pamphlets or other pieces of paper that give guests information about what is happening during your ceremony –  they can be a great place to honour your parents. Similar to your wedding invitation, you may want to list your parents by name as the hosts of the wedding. Or you could include their names in a list of wedding party members.

You could even do something extra special by including a surprise note to your parents in your program. How fun would it be for them to open up your program and read: “We wouldn’t be here without our parents, who we love so much. Thank you, moms & dads!”

2. Ask them to join the processional

The processional – how the wedding party and couple of the hour walk down the aisle – marks the start of your wedding ceremony and can be the perfect place for your parents to get involved. There are four main options for parents joining the processional:

1. Parents walk down the aisle before the processional officially begins: This usually happens while guests are still being seated and before the processional music has begun or the wedding party has come out. Parents take a more casual walk down the aisle, together or escorted by other family members, to their seats. This is usually the signal that the ceremony is about to get started.
2. Parents walk down the aisle as part of the processional: If you’d rather give your parents a more formal role, they can join the wedding party processional. They will walk in with the wedding party, usually first or last before the couple, with the processional music as the ceremony begins. Sometimes parents are even part of the wedding party; who doesn’t want mom as Maid of Honour?
3. Parents escort their children down the aisle: This is probably the most common option and most similar to the father giving away the bride. However, it’s not reserved for just fathers and daughters! All parents and all partners can take part in this tradition. This might look like each member of the couple being escorted down the aisle by their parents during their part of the processional entrance.
4. Parents are not part of the processional and aisle walk: In this final option, parents are not included in the processional and simply find their seats with the other guests before the ceremony begins. More on seating later!

For more ideas check out 8 Unique Processional Orders for Your Wedding Ceremony!

3. Share a greeting with your parents

Following the processional, many couples like to share a greeting with their parents at the end of the aisle before joining hands with one another in front of the officiant. While this is typically seen after the couple has been escorted by their parents, it can still be added to your wedding ceremony no matter how you and your parents come down the aisle!

Your greeting can be a hug, handshake or however you’d like to embrace your parents or special loved ones. If you’re comfortable doing so, it’s nice to greet your soon-to-be in-laws before the ceremony begins too!

For example, let’s say David is escorted down the aisle by his sister, Alexis. At the end of the aisle, he hugs Alexis and also shares a high five with his father, John, and cheek kiss with his mother, Moira. He then turns to his partner ‘s parents and shakes their hands before joining his partner, Patrick, at the altar.

4. Your parents can enjoy VIP seating

Traditionally, parents of the couple will sit in reserved seats in the front row. In some religions, parents actually join the couple at the front of the ceremony, sitting or standing by their side. This VIP seating (or standing) is one of the easiest ways to involve your parents in your wedding ceremony.

If you leave the front row empty, most guests will know to save these seats for the parents of honour. But adding a small reserved sign can help ensure an over-eagre third cousin doesn’t swoop in and steal the best seat in the house. You could also make it a special moment by including a small gift for your parents, such as a card or engraved handkerchief, on their seat.

5. Highlight your parents in the ceremony script

When crafting your ceremony script with your wedding officiant, let them know if you want to highlight your parents. Your officiant can point out lots of opportunities for your parents to get involved in the ceremony and be spotlighted.

For example, when sharing the story of how you two met and came to be standing in front of everyone today, your officiant can share how your parents introduced you, encouraged your relationship or helped set you up for a strong marriage. Your wedding officiant can also include time in your ceremony to honour any parents or loved ones who are no longer with us.

6. Ask them to recite wedding readings or prayers

If you’re planning to have wedding readings or wedding prayers at your ceremony, why not ask your parents to recite them? This is a great role to give to a parent or loved one who is close to you, who will take the job seriously, and who is a good fit to share advice about love and marriage.

This may be the perfect opportunity to honour the religion or culture of your family. For example, your parents may be able to share a blessing from your faith or a reading from your country of origin. This could also be a great time for a walk down memory lane, such as a parent doing a reading from your favourite children’s book (talk about a tear jerker!).

7. Have your parents take part in unity ceremonies

Another great way to involve your parents in your wedding ceremony is through unity ceremonies. Unity ceremonies, such as handfasting, wine blending, tea ceremonies and unity candles, are small practices done at the ceremony to symbolize a couple’s commitment. They often need to be facilitated or assisted by someone, which might be the perfect place for your parents to step in.

For example, in a handfasting ceremony, you could ask your parents to provide the ropes you use. These could be ropes passed down through your family or one’s made in a style or colour that’s significant to your family. You could even have your parents tie the ropes around your hands while your wedding officiant explains the tradition to your guests.

8. Your parents can hold onto the wedding rings

A sweet yet simple way to involve your parents in your wedding ceremony is to ask them to hold onto your wedding rings. While this is just a small moment in the ceremony, it’s one of great significance that won’t be lost on your parents. It’s a beautiful way to honour them, especially if they have a long and happy marriage they can warm your rings with.

Bonus: This is also a great solution if you didn’t want to trust the rings to a forgetful groomsman or too-young ring bearer!

9. Ask them to sign the marriage licence

Another significant role your parents can take is signing your marriage licence at your wedding ceremony. In most places, a marriage licence is a legal document that needs to be signed by two witnesses in order for a marriage to be official. Some couples choose to sign the licence in private after the ceremony and other incorporate a signing into the ceremony.

No matter when you choose to sign the licence, it can be very special to ask your parents to join you as witnesses. Double check with your wedding officiant that your parents are able to sign in the jurisdiction where you’re getting married!

10. Your parents can join the recessional

Just like the processional to enter the ceremony, your parents can also join the recessional to exit the ceremony. Traditionally the recessional is led by the newlyweds with the wedding party following back up the aisle. You can have your parents join in behind, in front or in the middle of the wedding party.

Not only is it nice to include your parents in the formal recessional, it’s also quite practical. Once the recessional is over and the wedding party has exited, guests will start to make their way up the aisle too. This usually makes for a very crowded aisle as guests greet each other, wipe tears away and slowly find the exit. And what happens to the parents of the couple in the first row? They get stuck waiting behind everyone else to exit!

So if you want your parents to exit the ceremony right away – either for pictures or just because you want to rescue them from the venue – including them in the recessional is a good idea!

11. Include your parents in the receiving line

A receiving line is a wedding tradition where the couple and often members of their wedding party form a line to receive guests. Wedding guests will then walk down the line greeting everyone. These are usually seen at the end of a ceremony or beginning of a reception.

Many couples will choose to include their parents in the receiving line. Not only is this a place of honour for the parents of the newlyweds, it also makes a lot of practical sense. If your parents contributed financially to the wedding, it makes sense that they would be there to receive, greet and thank them for coming. And outside of finances, it might be nice to have your parents there to help remind you of the names of all of your extended family members!

Now that you have some ideas for how to involve your parents in your wedding ceremony, don’t stop there! Make sure your wedding ceremony is exactly as you picture it with a Young Hip & Married wedding officiant at the helm. Meet our officiants and book your ceremony today!

A part of the wedding ceremony that is often forgotten is the wedding announcements. Many couples don’t know what wedding announcements are or which ones to include. But since wedding announcements convey some of the most important information your guests need to know, you don’t want to forget them!

Keep reading to learn more about wedding ceremony announcements – what are they and which ones should you include?

What is a wedding announcement?

A wedding announcement is an announcement made during your wedding ceremony to pass important information onto guests. For example, reminding guests that your ceremony is unplugged and therefore they should put their phones away would be an important pre-ceremony wedding announcement.

Wedding announcements also refer to the old time-y tradition of announcing a marriage in the newspaper. This is when a family would pay for space in the newspaper to announce the upcoming wedding of their child. A more modern version of this would be sending out marriage announcements after your wedding day to let people know you got hitched.

Who makes wedding announcements? 

Announcements at the wedding ceremony are usually made by the wedding officiant or whoever is leading the ceremony. If you have any housekeeping announcements to make during your reception, these can be made by your MC or DJ.

“Okay, but do we really need 13 wedding announcements at our ceremony?”

No, you likely won’t need to have all 13 of these wedding announcements at your ceremony. But we like to be thorough! As you read through them, you’ll see which ones apply to your ceremony and which don’t.

Keep in mind that some of these announcements can be combined and will only take a few seconds to share with your guests. And with an engaging wedding officiant (like the ones here at Young Hip & Married!), wedding announcements will just seem like part of the fun that is your ceremony.

You can also include important announcements on your wedding website or on wedding ceremony programs. Make sure wedding party members and your wedding planner are aware of the information too so they can spread it to guests. However, the most important information should still be announced by your officiant so no one misses it!

8 wedding announcements to make before or at the start of your wedding ceremony

These pre-ceremony announcements are usually said before the wedding ceremony officially begins. The processional hasn’t started yet and none of the wedding party or the couple is in the room. It’s just your wedding officiant at the front and your guests taking their seats.

1. Introduction

Before launching into the real announcements, you may want your wedding officiant to quickly introduce themselves and let your guests know that the ceremony is about to start. This will prompt people to find their seats and get ready for things to begin.

Example: “Hello, everyone! My name is Shawn and I’ll be officiating Morgan and Jaime’s ceremony today. We’re going to be getting started in just a few minutes so please take your seats and get those happy tears ready!” 

2. Photo policy

One of the most important pre-ceremony wedding announcements is the photo policy. Most couples opt for an unplugged ceremony where guests are asked to put their electronics away. This not only ensures guests can stay in the moment but also that your professional photos don’t have a sea of screens in them!

Example: “Today’s ceremony will be unplugged. Please put away any phones, cameras or tablets as the couple has requested no photos or video be taken during the ceremony. They want to see your smiling faces, not the back of your screens!” 

Or, if you don’t mind photos being taken, your officiant can also make that announcement. With so many unplugged wedding ceremonies these days, guests may not be sure what you prefer, so an announcement either way is helpful.

Example: “You are welcome to take photos during the ceremony but please do so discreetly and please don’t block the lovely photographer and videographer that Jaime and Morgan have hired.” 

3. Phone off reminder

In addition to an announcement about your photo policy, it may also be helpful to remind guests to turn off or silence their phones. No one wants to hear the screech of a ringtone halfway through the vows!

Example: “Just like at the movies, let’s all take a moment to turn off or silence our phones before the ceremony starts.” 

4. Instructions for after the ceremony

This is one of the most important wedding announcements: What are guests supposed to do after the ceremony is over? Despite all the details you meticulously provided on your wedding invitations and website, some of your guests will still be confused about what’s happening next. This announcement is especially important if you need your guests to be somewhere right after the ceremony is over.

Example: “After the ceremony, Morgan and Jaime would like everyone to meet them on the lawn just outside the doors for a big group photo. Please don’t run off as they want to make sure everyone’s beautiful face is included.”

Even if your guests aren’t expected to be anywhere or do anything immediately after the ceremony, it may still be useful to remind them of the next item on their wedding day schedule. That way, no one is confused or shows up at the wrong place or wrong time.

Example: “Morgan and Jaime look forward to raising a glass with you all tonight at the Riverfront Cafe at 5:00pm with dinner and dancing to follow.” 

5. Safety or venue-specific information

Obviously not all ceremonies will need an announcement about safety or about the venue, but if yours does, this is a great time to include it. These announcements might include where emergency exits are located, where bathrooms are located, mask policies, weather information, etc.

Example: “If the October chill is getting to you, please feel free to use one of the blankets located at the back of the hall. And if you need to use the bathroom after the ceremony, you’ll find those on your left when you exit out the big doors.” 

6. Information for parents

If you have invited kids to your wedding, you may have some information you need to share with parents before the ceremony gets started. While you can’t specifically ask young kids not to cry or have a meltdown (wouldn’t that be nice?), you can provide some helpful resources to minimize any noise or distractions.

Example: “If you have a little one with you, we invite you to sit on the end of the aisle, should you need to step out of the ceremony at any point. Jaime and Morgan have set up a kids’ room that you’re welcome to access before, during and after the ceremony.” 

7. Information the couple wants to pass on

If there’s anything else you want your guests to know before your ceremony gets started, now is the time to have your officiant announce it. Particularly if you have anything happening during your ceremony that requires guest participation or might be new to guests, let them know.

Example: “You may have noticed little bags of confetti at your seat. Please hold onto these until the end of the ceremony. As our newlyweds head back up the aisle, make it rain on them!” 

8. Land acknowledgment

A land acknowledgment is “a simple way for us to show respect and insert an awareness of Indigenous presence and land rights in everyday life, as well as recognize the history of colonialism and a need for change in settler-colonial societies.” It reminds everyone present whose land we are on. This announcement typically happens after the processional when the couple is at the front, but we’ve included it in this post as it is still a ceremony announcement.

Example: “We want to begin today’s ceremony by acknowledging with gratitude that we are gathered here on the unceded territory of the Musqueam, Squamish and Tsleil-waututh Nations.”

5 wedding announcements to make after or at the end of your wedding ceremony

Congrats, you’re married! But before you officially head off into married bliss, there are a few wedding announcements you may want your wedding officiant to make at the end of your ceremony.

These announcements typically happen just before the recessional (when the couple and wedding party exit the ceremony) because once the recessional has happened, guests are on their feet and heading out, no longer listening to important information.

1. The big pronouncement

The pronouncement is when your wedding officiant will pronounce that you are now married and, optionally, invite you to seal your marriage with a kiss. This is usually met with rapturous applause from your guests!

Example: “Now that Jaime and Morgan have given themselves to each other by solemn vows, with the joining of hands and the giving and receiving of rings, I pronounce that they are officially married. You may now seal your union with a kiss!”

Check out 15 pronouncements to end your wedding ceremony!

2. Reminder of post-ceremony instructions for guests

While your guests were definitely, 100% listening to all of the pre-ceremony announcements, they must have gotten so swept up in the emotion of your ceremony that they promptly forgot all about where they were supposed to go afterwards. That’s why a quick reminder at the end of your ceremony is important.

Example: “A reminder to please meet the fabulous newlyweds outside on the lawn for a big group photo right after we’ve wrapped things up here.” 

3. (op) Announcement about what the couple or wedding party is doing next

If you won’t be joining your guests right after the ceremony, you may want to let them know. That way, you won’t get cornered by a weepy Aunt Tessa telling you how beautiful you look when you’re supposed to be sneaking away for post-ceremony sunset portraits.

Example: “Morgan and Jaime will be heading off to take their first photos as newlyweds after the ceremony and are looking forward to seeing you all at cocktail hour at 5:00pm at the Riverfront Cafe.” 

This is also a great time to remind your wedding party or other important guests what they are supposed to be doing after the ceremony. You’d be surprised how many emotional parents completely forget they’re supposed to be taking family photos or joining your receiving line!

Example: “Jaime and Morgan, as well as their parents and wedding party, would love to say hello to all of you in a receiving line out on the lawn.” 

4. Any additional reminders from the couple

Is there anything else you need your guests to know about? This is your last chance to have your officiant make a big announcement before everyone disperses. This may be a good time to share transportation instructions, any photo or video policies for after the ceremony, a hashtag you want guests to use, or any last minute changes.

Example: “Don’t forget that the party bus to the Riverfront Cafe leaves from the hotel at 4:30pm!” 

5. Presentation of the couple

Once all of the other post-ceremony wedding announcements have been made, it’s time for the official presentation of the couple, followed by the recessional. This is when your wedding officiant announces you as a married couple, which usually signals your recessional music and walk back up the aisle while your guests cheer.

Example: “Presenting for the first time as a married couple, Morgan and Jaime! Let’s hear it for them!” 

Which wedding announcements will you be including in your ceremony? Or are there any we forgot? Let us know! 

And don’t forget the key to engaging wedding announcements that your guests will actually listen to – an amazing wedding officiant! Meet our team of officiants and book yours today! 

feature image by Aileen Choi Photography

Back in the day, weddings only happened between a bride and a groom, and the only way for the bride to marry the groom was to be given away by her father. Luckily, those days are gone! Modern couples have so many more processional options and alternatives to giving away the bride.

You can still include your parents or other loved ones in your wedding ceremony while tweaking this dated tradition. Below we’re sharing nine alternatives to giving away the bride, as well as a brief history lesson and the exact script you can use to get your parents on board.

PS: Still plan to have the bride’s father give her away? Go for it! If that’s a tradition you want to uphold, we support you in designing a ceremony that works for you. But if you’re curious about some easy changes you can make to modernize this tradition, keep reading! Even if you decide to stick with the traditional giving away, you’ll at least have considered all of your options.

Where does giving away the bride come from?

The tradition of the bride’s father giving away the bride officially dates back to 1549 in a book written by the Church of England. But the concept of fathers arranging matches for their daughters and “giving them away” in marriage goes back much further.

This tradition stems from an age when unmarried women were considered the property of their fathers and given away as a transfer of property, often in exchange for a dowry. Of course, in many modern marriages, dowries are obsolete and women are no longer considered property (phew!).

Why “giving away the bride” isn’t inclusive

We’re pretty sure the answer to this one is obvious, but just in case it isn’t we’d love to dive into why “giving away the bride” is not an inclusive term or practice.

To start, not all weddings have a bride. This is an extremely heteronormative tradition and is obviously exclusionary for couples who don’t have a bride or who have more than one bride. This tradition also assumes a bride will be given away by her father, but a bride’s father may not be involved in the wedding or the best person to take on this role. It also completely ignores a bride’s mother or other important loved ones in her life.

Perhaps the biggest red flag with this tradition is the concept of “giving away.” By referring to one member of the couple as a piece of property to be transferred from one man’s ownership to another, we not only remove their humanity by treating them like an object but we also remove their agency by not giving them any say in the decision.

“But I still want to have a special moment with my dad at my wedding!”

You can absolutely still have a special moment with your dad, or any parent or loved one, at your wedding. You don’t have to incorporate the “giving away of the bride” tradition in order to honour your parents and your relationship with them. Below we’re sharing lots of alternatives to giving away the bride that honour your beliefs and still show your parents how much you love them!

“But my dad has always dreamed of giving away his little girl! What should I tell him?”

This is something we hear from a lot of couples, so know you’re not alone in having a parent who feels strongly about this tradition. However, in our opinion, that’s not a good enough reason to incorporate a tradition you don’t believe in that removes your agency and personhood.

Before you try and talk your dad out of giving you away, take some time to reflect on this tradition. If it doesn’t sit right with you, figure out what you want to do (check out our alternatives below!) and what you feel comfortable with. Make sure you loop your partner in on these conversations so you can get their support.

With an alternative in mind, sit down with your dad or parents well ahead of your wedding ceremony. As long as the conversation remains respectful, you can explain your perspective and hear where they’re coming from. Remember that you do not have to justify why you feel a certain way or tolerate a conversation that impacts your emotional or mental health.

Once you’ve presented an alternative to giving away the bride to your parents, give them some time to adjust or ask questions. They may need a few days or few weeks to get on board.

“But what do I actually say to my dad to help him understand?”

For most dads who dream about “giving away their little girl” what they’re actually dreaming about is having an important role on your wedding day and being by your side, not selling you like cattle. They may have never taken the time to think about what the tradition stands for, too busy picturing themselves wiping away tears as they walk you down the aisle.

So rather than stomp on their dream, you can gently explain why the tradition doesn’t sit well with you and how they can still be involved on your wedding day. You could say something like:

“Dad, I understand that you’ve been thinking about giving me away at my wedding for many years. I love that you’re so excited for my wedding day and I definitely want you to be a big part of it. I don’t feel like the traditional giving away of the bride reflects our relationship or how I want to enter into my marriage. Instead, I’d love if we [insert your chosen alternative here]. That way, I still get to have a special moment with you and honour my beliefs.” 

Bottom line: You dad’s long held dream doesn’t override your agency and how you choose to enter your marriage.

9 alternatives to giving away the bride

So if the tradition of the bride’s father giving away the bride is out, what’s in? Check out nine alternatives that might work for your wedding ceremony:

Each member of the couple walks in with their parents

Rather than just the bride and her father (remember, not all weddings have brides and not all brides have fathers!), in this alternative both members of the couple and all of their parents will be included in the wedding processional. That way, the spotlight is on both spouses-to-be and all of the wonderful people who raised them.

Each member of the couple walks in solo

Another option is to walk in solo, processing down the aisle on your own without any escorts. Both members of the couple can do this, representing their agency and independence in making the choice to be together. This is a great alternative if you don’t want to include your parents in the aisle walk or have too many parents to include and don’t want to choose which ones will join the processional.

The couple walks in together

One beautiful alternative to giving away the bride is for the almost-newlywed couple to walk into their ceremony together, escorting one another, instead of walking in alone or with parents. This is a modern option, as traditionally the couple doesn’t see each other until the end of the aisle. But we love the idea of a couple walking into their marriage together! Again, this is a great compromise if you don’t have relationships with your parents or have too many parents to include.

Parents walk their child part way

If you like the idea of walking yourself down the aisle but still want a sweet moment with your parents, consider this alternative. You can process with your parents part way down the aisle and then meet up with your partner or walk yourself the remaining length of the aisle, your parents walking a few steps behind. That way, you’re not being given away and you’re able to walk independently into marriage with the support of your family literally behind you.

Parents join the processional

A great way to give your parents a meaningful role in the wedding party while removing the giving away tradition is by including them in your processional. Instead of escorting you down the aisle, your parents can have their own moment walking down the aisle with your other wedding attendants. They can then take seats of honour at the front.

The couple processes with their chosen loved ones

Remember, it doesn’t have to be your parents who walk you down the aisle! You can choose to process with anyone (or no one!) including your children, siblings, grandparents, friends or fur baby.

The couple greets their parents at the end of the aisle

This option can be added onto any of the alternatives on this list. No matter how you come down the aisle, you can take a moment to greet your parents before your ceremony begins. Many couples love to include a sweet hug with moms and/or dads before they join hands and say I do. This also gives you a chance to hug your parents-in-law, which is always nice!

Parents are included in the wedding ceremony

Rather than join the processional, or in addition to, your parents can take on roles in your wedding ceremony. For example, your parents can be ceremony readers, light the unity candle, sign your marriage licence as witnesses or hold your wedding rings. Your wedding officiant can even include them in your ceremony script, acknowledging the impact they’ve had on your life and relationship.

Parents are included in other special wedding moments

Just because you don’t want the bride to be given away by her father at your wedding doesn’t mean you and your partner can’t have special moments with your parents. But rather than going along with a dated tradition that is gendered and treats women as property, you can create something that feels more authentic to your relationship and the celebration you’re planning.

For example, you can do a first look with your parents, arrange to have special family photos taken, ask your parents to give a speech at your reception or rehearsal dinner, choreograph a special dance with them or involve them in pre-wedding activities, like outfit shopping. There are lots of ways to involve your parents in your wedding day and honour them in front of all of your guests!

Bonus: 5 alternatives to “Who presents this woman to be married?”

There is a religious tradition that sometimes accompanies the father of the bride giving away the bride. As the father and bride approach the end of the aisle, the officiant will ask, “Who presents this woman to be married to this man?” The father will then answer, “I do.”

But if that gives you the ick, go ahead and change it! Here are five alternatives to the who gives this bride away script you can use at your wedding ceremony.

1. Remove it entirely. Unless it’s mandated by the religious body that you’re getting married under, you can remove the who gives this bride away script completely from your wedding ceremony. Good riddance!
2. Change the question. You can make this question less dated and more palatable by personalizing it. For example, you can use your names instead of “man” and “woman.” You could also change the word “gives” or “presents” to something like “supports” to better represent your beliefs. For example, “Who supports Cory in marrying Taylor today?”
3. Change the response. Another way to update this question is by changing the response. Instead of having just the father of the bride say “I do,” both parents could say, “We do” or “Her loving family.” They could even say, “She gives herself with her family’s blessing.”
4. Ask both partners’ parents. If this question has to be asked at a ceremony (and we hope it’s not mandatory!), why are we only asking the bride’s father? Both partners’ families should be asked this question to represent the support of both sides, rather than representing the transfer of property. For example, this might sound like, “Who supports Cory in marrying Taylor? And who supports Taylor in marrying Cory?”
5. Ask everyone. Rather than making this a question that is asked only of the bride’s father, why not take the opportunity to ask all of your guests for their support with a community vow? For example, “Do you, Cory and Taylor’s family and friends, promise to encourage and support them in creating a strong and vital marriage? If so, please say, ‘We do.'”

Tips for ditching the traditional processional and giving away of the bride

Now that you have some great alternatives to giving away the bride, here are some tips to make those alternatives happen at your wedding ceremony!

Discuss your options early. Take the time to think about all of the traditions that you’ve seen in wedding ceremonies. How do you feel about them? If any don’t sit right with you, or if there are any you want to add, do some research and start having conversations with your partner. Make sure you know how you feel and you’re both on the same page before you involve anyone else.

Share your plan with your parents. You’ll want to ensure your parents and wedding party are aware of your plans for your ceremony ahead of time. Scroll up to see our script for how to have this conversation with your parents, especially if dad has been talking about walking his little girl down the aisle for years!

Be clear about what your plan will and will not entail. It’s one thing to tell dad the bride doesn’t want to be given away – it’s another to very clearly communicate your plan for the processional. For example, if you don’t want you parents to place your hand in your partner’s hand or lift your veil, make sure that is clearly stated.

Loop in your officiant and planner. Your wedding officiant and wedding planner have been to countless ceremonies and will be able to help you choose the right alternative to giving away the bride and ensure it happens as smooth as possible on the big day. If you need advice or support, turn to them.

Need more ideas? Check out our processional blog posts

• What Is a Wedding Processional?
• 6 Wedding Processional Orders for Your Wedding Ceremony
• 8 Unique Wedding Ceremony Processional Ideas
• 15 Alternatives to Flower Girls & Rings Boys

Ready to start planning your wedding ceremony with a processional that honours your beliefs? Check out our packages and get in touch to book today! 

written by Riana Ang-Canning
feature image by Thea Loo and Jeremiah Reyes