Ceremony Planning - Young Hip & Married

Of course, your wedding should be all about you and your spouse-to-be. But if you are planning to invite guests, you can’t totally forget them. So what do guests really want? It’s simple! They want to celebrate your love in the most comfortable, sincere and joy-filled way. Fulfill these 11 things and all of your guests will be raving about how yours was the best wedding ceremony ever!

Every guest wants…

To not have to stand for too long

No one wants to stand forever. And they especially don’t want to do it when they’re all dressed up in fancy clothes and uncomfortable shoes. Your guests’ comfort is a big deal. Ensure your ceremony has enough seating for everyone and that guests aren’t being asked to stand for too long.

No one minds standing while you make your way down the aisle, but they will get antsy if they have to stand for a full 30 minute ceremony.

Something personal

Your guests want to hear something personal. Everyone has been to the same boring wedding ceremony but they haven’t been to your wedding. Make it your own by sharing personal vows or picking a special reading. Insert your own voice into you ceremony to truly make it yours.

To not be out in bad weather

Of course, you can’t control Mother Nature. But you can do your best to limit your guests’ exposure to bad weather. This starts by preparing them ahead of time. If you’re getting married on a snowy mountaintop or a sandy beach, your guests need to know so they can dress accordingly. Provide lots of details on your wedding website.

And if you’re planning an outdoor wedding, ensure you have a back up plan in case the weather doesn’t hold up.

Something that is so you

Your vows are not the only place where you can inject some creativity into your wedding. From the outfit you wear, to the music you choose, to the decor you have, every element of your wedding ceremony can be uniquely you. Don’t be afraid to think outside of the box: have your dog be your ring bearer, wear sneakers instead of dress shoes, or play something from the Foo Fighters as you come down the aisle.

To be able to see

As the stars of the show, everyone wants to be able to see your smiling (and probably crying) faces as you say your vows and exchange rings. The worst experience for a guest is to spend the entire ceremony craning their neck or cursing the tall guy in front of them for blocking their view. Talk to your venue and do your best to ensure that your special moment will be seen by all of your important people.

To be able to hear

Just as vital as seeing, your guests want to be able to hear you! What’s the point of picking out a beautiful reading and writing heartfelt vows if no one can even hear them? Work with your venue and officiant to ensure you have a sound system so everyone can pick up every meaningful word.

To understand what’s going on

If your ceremony is really out of the box, or if you’re incorporating a language, religion or culture that is unfamiliar to your guests, let them know what’s happening. You can do this by providing information in a ceremony program, on your wedding website, on signs at the ceremony, or by asking your officiant to make an announcement. You don’t want to leave your guests feeling confused. Instead, invite them into this important experience by explaining your traditions.

To understand what comes next

After a ceremony, a lot of guests are left wondering, “Well, now what?” They assume there’s a reception but many are a bit fuzzy on the details of where and when. Make things easier for your guests by having these instructions readily available. You can include a timeline on your wedding website, your programs and/or signage at the ceremony. You can also have your officiant or DJ make an announcement.

If you’re planning something for right after your ceremony, like a group photo or a special cocktail hour, you’ll need to remind guests about this so they know where to go.

The ceremony to start on time (or as close as possible!)

No one likes waiting around. Your guests would love if your wedding ceremony could start on time, pretty please. And, confession, your vendors would love this too! Of course, everyone understands little delays. But making your guests wait around for more than 15–20 minutes is never appreciated. Plus, you’ll be super stressed if you’re running late and things are falling behind schedule.

A short ceremony

Let’s be honest. Even if you have the coolest traditions, the most heartfelt vows, tear-inducing readings and the best officiant (who? us?), no one wants the ceremony to last forever. A beautiful and meaningful ceremony can (and should!) be achieved in 30 minutes or less. If you’re planning a ceremony that will last a few hours, get ready for guests to be fidgeting, checking their phones, and getting up for bathroom breaks.

To connect to your love story

At the end of the day, your guests are your favourite people. These are your family members and friends who love you and are so honoured and excited to celebrate your union. Even if it starts to rain, the rings go missing and your wedding party gets stuck in traffic, your guests are still going to be there, smiling up at you throughout your ceremony.

They’re here for your love story. So give them the opportunity to connect to it. Let them know who you two are as a couple, how incredible your love is, and why you’re getting married. It’s not about a dress or dinner or flowers; it’s about you two. Your ceremony should reflect that. A personal ceremony that’s written just for you two by an officiant who takes the time to get to know you is a great way to share your love with your guests.

Feature image by Emily Nicole Photos
Written by Riana Ang-Canning

At Young Hip & Married, we believe that we all, vendors and couples alike, have a role to play in making the wedding industry safer, more welcoming and more inclusive for all people. A big issue in the wedding industry is a primary focus on the “bride’s day” and assumption that all couples, and even all guests, are heterosexual. Obviously, that isn’t the case. So we want to do what we can to facilitate a safe, welcoming and inclusive wedding ceremony that celebrates all types of love.

Helping us with this mission is our amazing officiant, Beth. If you missed it, check out Beth’s chat with us all about queer weddings.

Following up on last year’s post about inclusive wedding ceremony language, we’ve asked Beth to help us put together some more easy ways to create a welcoming and inclusive wedding ceremony.

PS: We think this article is applicable for wedding-planning couples, vendors and guests!

Even if you aren’t LGBTQ+

… odds are someone in the wedding party, some of the guests and/or some of the vendors are. Even if you are heterosexual and cisgender, it’s unlikely everyone involved in the wedding will be. Taking the time to ensure your wedding is safe and inclusive makes it a welcoming environment for everyone.

Not every label fits every person

Many people outside (and even inside) the LGBTQ+ community are confused about how to refer to people with terms and language that honour them. A good rule of thumb from Beth is to describe people using adjectives instead of nouns (e.g. “gay people” and not “the gays”). Avoid the word “homosexual” as it sounds clinical and “lifestyle” as it implies a choice. “Queer” is also a complicated term as it can have negative connotations for some LGBTQ+ people, from when it was previously used as a derogatory word, but has been reclaimed by other LGBTQ+ people as a positive term.

The best approach is to use a term that the person has already applied to themselves. If you’re not sure, politely ask. You may also want to do some independent research and familiarize yourself with terms like cis, trans, and non-binary. Here are two great places to start your research: QMUNITY and GLAAD.

Remember that this person is a whole person, and not solely defined by their sexual orientation or gender identity. For example, how often are straight people identified by their sexual orientation? We would never say, “This is my straight best friend” so why do we feel the need to say, “This is my gay best friend?”

Don’t assume pronouns

When we see a stranger or a new person, we tend to make a lot of assumptions about their gender and the pronouns they use for themselves using clues from their clothing, hair and the shape of their bodies. But even if someone seems very “masculine” or “feminine” to you, your best guess may not actually reflect their gender identity. Before someone has told you their pronouns, it’s best to use gender-neutral terms, such as “The person in yellow has the seating chart” instead of “She/that woman has the seating chart.”

It might feel awkward to ask for someone’s pronouns, but it’s actually a way of honouring their personhood, and it’s way better than making a wrong assumption and hurting them. Simply say, “What pronouns do you use for yourself?” Avoid the term “preferred pronouns” as pronouns are not a preference but the reality of who someone is. Beth encourages everyone to practice offering their own pronouns in their email signatures, and in person, when they introduce themselves to someone new (“Hi, I’m Beth – I use she/her pronouns”). We shouldn’t always expect transgender or gender-nonconforming people to have to take the initiative.

Avoid gendered assumptions

Unfortunately, the entire wedding industry is very gendered. It’s not uncommon to hear that men must propose to women and that women must wear dresses on their wedding day. And how many times have we heard that the wedding day is all about the bride and the groom just has to show up?

Let’s fight against all of that! As vendors, let’s ask questions instead of making gendered assumptions. Don’t assume there will necessarily be a bride in all weddings, or that a bride will come down the aisle in a dress, holding a bouquet and on her father’s arm. Ask all couples more general non-gendered questions such as, “How are you both arriving at the front?”

When LGBTQ+ couples get married, they usually can’t help but break some traditional gendered norms at weddings, but straight/cisgender couples need not be afraid of challenging these same norms too! Women can propose, and they don’t have to wear dresses on their wedding day. Men can walk down the aisle. Girls can carry rings, and boys (and men!) can carry flower baskets and bouquets.

Use gender neutral language

We talked a lot about this in our post about inclusive wedding ceremony language, but Beth wanted to highlight two main areas where gendered language can be traded for something more inclusive.

We hear “bride and groom” a lot in the wedding world. Instead of using these very gendered terms, trying using “spouses” or “spouses-to-be,” “partners,” “the couple,” “newlyweds” and even just first names.

Another term we hear a lot, and not just in weddings, is “ladies and gentlemen.” At first glance, this may not sound like a very exclusionary term. But for non-binary people, who don’t identify as either ladies OR gentlemen, it can be. Instead, opt for a gender neutral term like everybody, loved ones, friends and family, or folks.

Make the wedding party inclusive as well

It’s not uncommon to hear terms like “bridal party,” “bridesmaids” and “groomsmen,” but again, these terms can be exclusive, especially now that many couples are choosing to have a mix of genders standing up on both sides.

As vendors, you can simply ask, “Who is standing up with you at your ceremony?” That way, you avoid labeling the attendants at all.

For couples, this is your chance to create a new term that is not only inclusive but also really fun. Sure, you could go with “attendants” or “wedding party” – there’s nothing wrong with that. But what about “wedding crew,” “wedding posse” or “wedding squad?” Beth also mentioned awesome alternatives like “friends of honour,” “best people” and “the fellowship of the ring.”

Remember, gender neutral language extends to children too. Vendors can ask, “Will you have any children participating carrying flowers or rings?” And couples can find creative alternatives to “flower girl” and “ring boy.”

Ask polite questions

We get it. If you’re not used to changing your language and thinking about inclusion or gender, this can all be pretty confusing. But with practice, you’ll get the hang of it.

If you are confused, remember that you are allowed to ask questions. Politely, ask questions that are humble and respectful. Beth cautions to never ask questions about a person’s sex life, genitals or life before transitioning. Likewise, you don’t want to ask ignorant questions like, “Who wears the pants?” or “Which one of you is the wife?” But respectful questions that will help you to learn and improve your relationship with the person are appreciated and encouraged.

Extend inclusion to guests

Beth reminds us that we need to be extra sensitive with guests and their involvement in LGBTQ+ weddings. There may be someone on the invite list who has an issue with the relationship, guests who have refused to come, or guests who were banned from attending. There may also be guests who travelled long distances to be there and show their support. For some LGBTQ+ couples, their chosen family may be more meaningful than their birth family.

As vendors, we want to be aware of these dynamics and not assume certain traditions, like a father walking his daughter down the aisle, will happen just because they usually happen. Be open to non-traditional options and including guests as little or as much as the couple wants. For couples, don’t be afraid to let your vendors know about any challenging guest dynamics, and anything you want or don’t want to happen.

Another great way to ensure all of the guests feel safe and welcome is to check with the venue and see if they have all-gender/gender-neutral washrooms available. If not, see if one washroom could temporarily be designated in this way, so that every guest at the wedding feels comfortable.

A note on social media:

Beth wants to extend a final note about social media. Before sharing photos of LGBTQ+ couples, or tagging them, ensure you have their permission. There may be safety concerns as not all LGBTQ+ people are out to everyone in their community.

Avoid hashtags that use terms that the couple wouldn’t identify with. As Beth says, “Identities before optimization.” It’s more important that this couple is respected and accurately identified than it is that your post is optimized for likes and follows. Be careful not to tokenize an LGBTQ+ couple. They may be LGBTQ+, but above all, they’re two people in love.

A wedding is a super important day – not only for the couple but for their attendants, guests and vendors. And so it should be important to ensure this day is welcoming for all by creating a safe and inclusive wedding ceremony. That way, everyone can celebrate love with people who are affirming them in a safe space.

A huge special thanks to Officiant Beth for sharing her insights with us for this post!

wisdom & writing by Beth Carlson-Malena
written by Riana Ang-Canning
feature image by Bake Photo

“Do we need a wedding ceremony script?”

Short answer? Yes. Long answer? Hell yes!

A wedding ceremony script is the written version of your ceremony. It’s the schedule for what is going to happen, what your officiant is going to say, what reading is being recited and so on. It’s the blueprint to your ceremony. And it’s key that you have one.

You only get one shot, one opportunity

Your wedding ceremony is a one time thing. Even if you have a wedding rehearsal, you won’t be going through every single word and element of your ceremony. So when you show up on wedding day, that’s it. That’s when you’re having your one time wedding ceremony. The best way to know what is going to happen is by having your wedding ceremony script written ahead of time.

Timing is everything

A wedding day is all about timing. Ask any wedding planner and they’ll show you their detailed schedule, down to the minute, for when something is going to happen on the big day. Cut the cake at 8:12 PM, open the dance floor at 9:15 PM, and encourage the open bar enthusiasts to take a break at 10:47 PM. Your ceremony is no exception.

With a wedding ceremony script, you have the timeline and schedule for your ceremony. You can see exactly what is happening, for how long and in what order. This is essential for ensuring your ceremony goes smoothly and is on time.

Add your own voice

In creating or viewing your wedding ceremony script ahead of time, you have the ability to add your own voice. You can speak up about things you want to add, eliminate or change. You can alter words, make requests and incorporate things, like readings or prayers, that mean something to you. After all, this is your ceremony – it should sound like you!

Learn about your options

Contrary to what you might think from sitting through the same wedding ceremony a hundred times, there isn’t one set wedding ceremony script officiants have to use. Talk to your officiant and learn what your options are.

In our Custom & Creative Ceremony package, your officiant will personalize your wedding ceremony script so it’s totally you. They will write a wedding ceremony script just for you. They’ll tell your love story in your style and do as many edits as you’d like. It doesn’t get more unique and personal than that!

Know what is going to be said

One of the reasons we believe it’s so important to have a wedding ceremony script and for the couple to look at it ahead of time is so you know exactly what is going to be said. Nothing could be worse than standing up at your ceremony and realizing that your officiant is going on and on about something you totally don’t believe in or don’t care about. You don’t want to be making a disgusted face during your ceremony because your officiant decided to add in a quote you hate or a sermon you don’t believe in.

It’s so important to know what is going to be said – by you and by your officiant. You should be comfortable and happy with every word said during your wedding ceremony.

There’s still room for surprises

You might be thinking, “But if we have a wedding ceremony script, won’t the ceremony be really dull? Where’s the surprise?” Trust us, there’s no way your ceremony will be dull. All of those words are going to take on a brand new meaning when you hear them during your ceremony while you’re holding hands with your spouse-to-be. And you’ll be so full of excitement, nerves and emotion you probably won’t even remember the words written in your wedding ceremony script.

Of course, you can still keep some parts of your wedding ceremony a complete surprise. You can keep your vows secret until the ceremony. If you’re worried about your vows not matching in tone or length, you can always send them to your officiant who will look at both vows privately. And if anything happens during your ceremony that wasn’t in the script, like a song that won’t play or a car alarm that goes off, you can be sure that your professional officiant will be able to think on their feet and get you through it.

Do you have a wedding ceremony script?

Written by Riana Ang-Canning
Feature image by Erica Miller Photography

One thing all weddings have in common is the ceremony. But a unique wedding ceremony? We don’t always get those. In fact, more often than not, we attend weddings and sit through the same boring wedding ceremony we’ve seen a hundred times before.

We believe you should have a unique wedding ceremony that reflects who you are. This is the moment when you are actually getting married – the rest of your wedding is the party that celebrates that marriage. The words you exchange and the vows you make set the foundation for your marriage. This is the part of the day when all eyes are on you and everyone is there to support your relationship (not just to take advantage of your open bar).

So make your ceremony as special, memorable and important as it should be. It’s so worth it to put in the time and effort to create a unique wedding ceremony.

Check out our 14 tips for creating a unique wedding ceremony of your own!

Add Creative Elements

The easiest way to create a unique wedding ceremony is to add in some creative elements that speak to you. Let your imagination run wild! Want to toast your marriage with a beer blending ceremony or plant a tree together? You can totally do that! For some more creative inspiration, check out this post.

Eliminate Traditions You Don’t Care About

A lot of what makes ceremonies tired and boring are traditions you don’t care about. You don’t have to do things a certain way just because that’s how it has always been done. If you don’t connect with the tradition or worse, the tradition goes against what you do believe in, get rid of it! Start your own traditions. For some traditions you can skip, check out this list.

Think About The Guest Experience

If you’re not sure how to put together a unique wedding ceremony, think back to the last time you were a guest at a wedding. What made the ceremony stand out? What parts put you to sleep? How did different parts of the ceremony make you feel?

Another thing to consider for the guest experience is your guests’ comfort. It’s great to have a unique wedding ceremony but not if that means guests are passing out because you’re getting married outside in July and forgot to provide chairs or fans.

Incorporate Meaningful Words

A lot of the wedding ceremony revolves around the words – the words your officiant says and the words you exchange with your spouse to be. So ensure the words being said at your ceremony are meaningful and important to you. Here are some great options for words for your unique wedding ceremony:

Personalize Your Wedding Party

Mix things up with your wedding party in order to make your ceremony perfect for you. You can have your wedding party members wear different outfits instead of putting everyone in the same dress or suit. Instead of flowers, you can have your attendants carry books, lanterns or even puppies! You can skip the processional or opt out of having your party stand at the front with you. Mix up the genders and ages. Heck, bring the party in on motorcycles! As long as it’s unique to you and as stress-free as possible, you can do whatever you want. You can even go no wedding party!

Write Your Own Vows

The best way to make sure you have a unique wedding ceremony? Write your own vows! It doesn’t get more one of a kind than writing words no one else has said before. If you’ve got writer’s block, reach out to your officiant. They’re the pros and would be glad to lend a helping hand! And if you’re not feeling like such a wordsmith, you can always mix and match from some of these vows.

Mix Up Your Processional

Make sure your ceremony is one of a kind right off the bat with a creative processional. You don’t have to follow the normal processional you see at almost every wedding. You can do things your own way. Traditions like not giving the groom an aisle walk and having the bride walk down with her father can be changed! Check out some new processional ideas here.

You can also mix up you recessional when you’re exiting from your unique wedding ceremony. You can play fun music, have confetti thrown over top of you, skip the receiving line or add a receiving line. And you may also want to schedule some private time for yourselves right after the ceremony so you can revel in the fact that you’re officially married!

Mix Up The Seating

You don’t have to have your guests seated in church pews facing you and your partner at the front of the room. In fact, you don’t have to have them seated at all! You can ask your guests to stand (only for short ceremonies). You can offer up alternative seating such as park benches, cinema seats or hay bales. And you can even arrange your guests in a circle around you so you are literally encircled by love!

Pick A Special Place

Create a unique wedding ceremony from the moment you arrive by picking a special place to hold your ceremony. If you’re able to choose a venue or location that is meaningful to you two, that will make your ceremony all the more special. Maybe you can tie the knot where you had your first date, where you got engaged or where your parents got married. That way you get to relive a special memory and share a meaningful space with all of your guests.

Decorate Your Space

These days, the sky is the limit when it comes to your unique wedding ceremony decor. You can add just about any decor element you can dream of (and that your venue and budget will allow). We’re talking archways, curtains, photo collages, flowers, candles and so much more! You can go as traditional or as out of the box as you want with your decor.

Include Your Friends & Family

A great way to make your ceremony that much more meaningful to you and your loved ones is by including them in the actual ceremony. Ask your officiant to give a shout out to your relatives from far away, thank your parents during your vows or add a special note in your programs. Honour loved ones by asking them to do a reading, play music, join your wedding party or walk you down the aisle.

Play The Tunes You Love

Music lover? This is the perfect chance to create your unique wedding ceremony with the music you love most! “Here Comes the Bride” is not mandatory – you can play anything from Kanye West to Mozart at your wedding. If you need some ideas, check out this post.

Set The Tone

Do you want your ceremony to be casual and relaxed? Traditional and elegant? Romantic and playful? You get to decide what vibe you want your ceremony to have. You can set the tone with your invitations, programs, music, decor, dresscode and the opening words your officiant speaks.

One great way to set the tone and personalize your ceremony, is by having an officiant who is professional, experienced and will take the time to get to know you. At Young Hip & Married, we pride ourselves on creating a unique wedding ceremony for our couples. We want to tell your love story and get you married in your style. We’re open to just about everything and will do whatever we can to create your dream ceremony.

Make It All About You Two

Above all, a unique wedding ceremony is one that is all about you two. Every element of your ceremony should not only have your stamp of approval but be important to you. Your ceremony should reflect who you are. Don’t add things just because you think you should or because someone else did at their wedding. This is your wedding – do it your way.

What are you doing to create a unique wedding ceremony?

Written by Riana Ang-Canning
Feature image by Erica Miller Photography

One of the most common questions we get asked is, “What is the difference between a marriage commissioner and a wedding officiant?” For many people planning a wedding, they have no idea what a commissioner, officiant or celebrant is.

“That’s the person who stands at the front and marries us, right?”

Yes, that much is true. Officiants, celebrants and commissioners all marry couples. But there are some key differences between a marriage commissioner and a wedding officiant.

Wedding officiant VS Wedding celebrant

Okay, we’ll start with an easy one. What’s the difference between a wedding officiant and a wedding celebrant? Nothing! These terms are interchangeable. “Officiant” is used more often in North America while “celebrant” is heard more often in the UK or Australia. The main difference lies between an officiant/celebrant and a marriage commissioner.

What is a marriage commissioner?

In BC, marriage commissioners are government officials who perform non-religious wedding ceremonies in their specific area. Marriage commissioners must be retired or semi-retired, mature and known/active in their community.

Because of the retirement condition, many marriage commissioners are older. They can only apply to become commissioners if there is a vacancy in their area; there’s a maximum number of marriage commissioners per city. Candidates are then short listed, interviewed and appointed. Commissioners can only hold their position for a maximum of 10 years.

Before we jump into the differences, let us just begin by saying that the below is true of most marriage commissioners and most wedding officiants. We cannot speak for absolutely everyone. Generally speaking, these are the differences. Of course, every person is unique and may perform their duties slightly differently.

What's the Difference Between a Marriage Commissioner and a Wedding Officiant? — *Photo by Emily Nicole Photos*

Difference #1: Training

There is no official training required to apply to become a marriage commissioner and no experience is expected or required. By contrast, most wedding officiants do complete training and education to prepare for their work. At Young Hip & Married, many of our officiants have attended seminary or trained in public speaking. In addition, all of our wedding officiants go through our specific Young Hip & Married training to ensure each and every couple is given the best ceremony experience possible.

Difference #2: Ceremony script

Marriage commissioners in BC work from an approved ceremony script written by the government with mandatory statements that they are required to say. While some commissioners allow for their couples to edit the ceremony script or choose from other approved scripts, this isn’t always the case. As well, marriage commissioners are not permitted to include religion in their ceremonies.

Wedding officiants, on the other hand, have a lot more flexibility to write personalized wedding ceremony scripts. With Young Hip & Married’s custom ceremony package, the Custom & Creative Ceremony, a unique ceremony is written for the specific couple. The couple is also given full access to the ceremony script and able to ask for an unlimited number of edits and revisions. Officiants are able to rewrite, advise and provide options to arrive at the perfect ceremony for their couple.

For example, if a Custom & Creative Ceremony couple wants to create a feminist ceremony with inclusive and empowered language, their officiant can write that for them. If they want to include religion or cultural aspects into their ceremony, like a wedding prayer or glass smashing, an officiant can do that. If they’re planning a same-sex, multi-faith, second wedding with a handfasting ritual and readings by their children, their wedding officiant is so excited to help them bring that to life. It’s all about creating a ceremony that is unique to the couple!

For Young Hip & Married’s elopements, we’re committed to creating an intimate ceremony that is meaningful to our couples. We’ll happily hike up a mountain, go to a Canucks game or jump in a helicopter to get you married in your own unique style.

We believe there should be no surprises when it comes to what is going to be said during the wedding ceremony. The couple should be able to trust that the person performing their ceremony is going to use words that they approved beforehand and that speak to them as a couple.

A wedding officiant leading an elopement ceremony — *Photo by Erica Miller Photography*

Difference #3: Time

Marriage commissioners are not required to spend any time with their couple before the wedding, other than to work out logistics. Wedding officiants, on the other hand, often invest a lot of time into their couples before the big day.

Our Young Hip & Married wedding officiants are available to their couples over phone and email leading up to the wedding. They also do an in-person consultation and coordinate a wedding rehearsal with our custom ceremony package. In order to write their ceremony, our officiants meet with their couples to learn their love story, research their interests and interview their friends and family.

While putting together the ceremony script, our wedding officiants are in constant communication with their couples to send them revised versions and offer new ideas. Our officiants read over vows, offer advice and resources, and ensure the entire ceremony will flow smoothly. We’re in touch with planners and photographers, happy to bring in unique elements, like a community vow or dancing down the aisle, and available to help our couples write their vows if they’re feeling stuck.

At Young Hip & Married, we believe that your marriage is more important than your wedding day. Another way we invest time in our couples is by offering relationship coaching and counselling, as well as putting on date nights for couples.

Difference #4: Choosing who marries you

Marriage commissioners are listed on the BC government website where you can search by area. In some cases, couples have to pick their commissioner based only on the commissioner’s name, contact information and possibly their photo. Not all commissioners will meet with their couples prior to booking.

With wedding officiants, couples often have the opportunity to get to know them ahead of time. For starters, they can check out their officiant’s photos, bio and reviews online.

At Young Hip & Married, we offer a complimentary consultation with our Custom & Creative Ceremony package where our officiant will meet with the couple before they book our service. The officiant will ask about their wedding day, what they want out of the ceremony and learn more about their story. This in-person consultation is free of charge and takes place before any money has been paid. If the couple doesn’t feel like the wedding officiant they met with was a good fit, they are able to meet with someone else.

Difference #5: Costs

One of the big differences between a marriage commissioner and a wedding officiant is cost. On average, marriage commissioners are the cheaper option. Their fees are listed on the BC government website. However, they are able to charge for the rehearsal, any travel to the ceremony and rehearsal, as well as extra time spent on site. While wedding officiants do usually cost more, many couples feel the added investment of time and personalization by their officiant is worth the cost.

Can anyone else marry us?

In Canada, weddings must be officiated by a marriage commissioner, licensed officiant or solemnized religious representative. You are unable to have your friend get ordained online like they do in the movies and perform your ceremony (not legally, at least). The marriage licence needs to be signed and sent off by someone who is licensed to officiate weddings.

Should you choose a marriage commissioner or wedding officiant?

At the end of the day, you should choose the wedding officiant or marriage commissioner who best fits what you want for your ceremony. You should be completely comfortable with the person standing in the spotlight with you on your big day. Their ceremony script, officiating style and cost should match what you have in mind.

Both commissioners and officiants can legally marry couples – it just depends how a couple wants to get married.

But if you did want to book a wedding officiant, we know a few who would love to get you married! Meet our team and book your wedding officiant today!

Get A Quote

Resources: BC Gov; VanCity Bride; Modern Celebrant

Written by Riana Ang-Canning
Feature image by Emily Nicole Photos

As couples are choosing to get married later in life or entering into second marriages, many are coming to the altar with kiddos in tow. And we think that’s amazing! It only makes everything more joyous and more meaningful when you get to involve your kids in your weddings.

Yes, your wedding is about you and your spouse joining your lives together. But it’s also about bringing your families together, and sometimes that includes your little ones. You’re not just becoming a married couple; you’re becoming a new official family!

So what’s the best way to include your kids in your wedding and honour their role in this new family? There are lots of great ways – 12 in fact. Check out some of the best options below for involving your children in your wedding day!

Involve your kids in your wedding from the beginning

Before you even get to the wedding day, you can bring your kids on board. After all, the decision to get married is one that affects them too, so it makes sense that they might want to be involved. If you’re creating a new family where you and/or your spouse-to-be will be bringing kids into the picture, it’s important to recognize their lives will be changing. Let your children know about your intention to get married and explain what that means for them. Give them a chance to have a reaction, ask questions and think things over.

Once your children have had some time to adjust and ask any questions, hopefully they are excited about their new step-parent and new family. If they’re really excited, you could even involve them in the proposal.

Bring your children into the wedding planning

There are lots of ways to involve your kids in your wedding before the big day. They probably don’t want to be there when you meet with bartenders or pick up your marriage licence, but there are lots of fun parts of wedding planning that your kids may want to get involved in. Here are a few ideas:

Invite them to the cake tasting. Who doesn’t love eating cake?
Ask them to make a playlist of songs for the DJ.
Include them in a dress fitting or shopping trip.
Involve them in any DIY craft projects you are doing for the wedding.
Bring in their favourites! Get your kid’s opinion on a favourite colour, favourite food or favourite flower that you can then incorporate into the wedding.

Invite your kids to join your wedding party

A great way to make your children feel important on the wedding day is to give them an official role in the wedding party. And you don’t just have to limit it to flower girls and ring bearers, though these roles do work well for younger kids.

You can ask your children to be bridesmaids or groomsmen, junior bridesmaids or groomsmen, maids of honour or best men, attendants, ushers, etc. You can even invent new titles like Best Lady, Best Dude or Best Kid.

Do a family vow

One of our favourite ways to incorporate kids in your wedding is to use a family vow. Traditionally, vows are just said between the couple. But with family vows, you have the parents make vows to their children, the children make vows to their parents and you can even have the children make vows to each other. It’s a very sweet way to include your entire family in the commitment you’re making on your wedding day.

For an example of some family vows, check out our vows blog post.

Assign ceremony jobs to your children

The ceremony is, obviously, our favourite part of the wedding. It’s the part when you actually become a married couple. And if you’re involving children, the ceremony can take on a whole new meaning. There are many jobs you can give your little ones so that they feel more included in the ceremony and can recognize the importance of it.

Children can do a reading, recite a poem or sing a song/play an instrument. They can hold the wedding rings. They can escort you or your partner down the aisle. And they can even be the witnesses and sign your marriage licence (as long as they are old enough to recall the event).

Other jobs your kid could do include showing people to their seats (ushering), handing out programs, directing guests to the venue and anything else that makes them feel important and part of the big day.

*Photo by Jelger and Tanja Photographers*

Add a unity tradition to your wedding ceremony

Another popular addition to the wedding ceremony is a unity tradition. This could be the newlyweds lighting a candle together or pouring different coloured sand into a vase to signify their new union. You could easily add your children to this by inviting them to join in on the unity ceremony.

Check out this post for some great unity traditions and other creative elements you can add to your ceremony.

Put your kids in writing

A great way to ensure that your children are a focal part of your wedding is to include them in all of the writing. That way, all of your guests know that this union is about more than just the two of you. It’s about an entire family joining together.

Here are some places where your children can be added in print:

Invitations: You can include your kids in the description of who is joining together or who is hosting the wedding.
Wedding website: Give your kids some screen time by including their names, photos and more on your website.
Programs: If you’re going to have a program for your ceremony, include your children’s names or maybe a special dedication to/from them inside.
Slide show: Any slide show with photos could also include snapshots of your kids.

Ask your kids to give a wedding toast

Making a toast or giving a speech at the reception is a great way for older children to get involved on the wedding day. It’s something they can work on ahead of time and a very sweet moment for all. If your kiddos are too young to give their own speech, perhaps they can recite a poem or say a quick word into the microphone. Or, you can give a speech/toast and dedicate it to them!

Gift your children a wedding day present

We all know the wedding day isn’t about receiving gifts, but it is nice to mark the occasion with something special. This can be especially helpful if you have a child who might not understand why mommy and/or daddy is getting all of the attention. You can present your child with a gift on the morning of the wedding. It might be even more special if the gift comes from the new step-parent, if that’s your situation. You could also make the gift more meaningful by tying it to the wedding. For example, you could gift your child with special jewelry that they can put on when you and your spouse are putting on your wedding rings.

Do a first look with your kids

The first look is when you do a reveal of your wedding day glow up before the ceremony starts. Usually, the first look is between the couple. But who is to say you can’t do a first look with your kids? We think that would be super sweet to have a moment just with you and your kiddos before you head down the aisle. For more info on the first look, check out our first look blog post.

Do a first dance with your kids

We all know the first dance as the moment during the reception when the couple of the hour shares a special dance together. But what about doing a first dance with your kids? This is a great way to include your kids in your wedding and dedicate a special moment to them. You can even let them pick the song! Depending on your situation, it might be nice to do a one-on-one dance or a big family dance with you, your spouse and all of your kids.

Add some kid-friendly touches to your wedding day

A great way to include your kids in the wedding is to make the wedding kid-friendly. This doesn’t necessarily mean you need to invite lots of kids to your wedding. You can incorporate child-like touches elsewhere, such as:

Activity kits: Child-friendly activities, like colouring books and stickers, are handed out to keep the kids entertained during the ceremony and reception.
Games: You can set up fun games, like Giant Jenga or a scavenger hunt, for the kids (and kids at heart) to play during cocktail hour and/or the reception.
Kid-friendly signature drink: Let your kid design a special signature drink that’s fun and alcohol-free.
Family dance floor: Encourage all of your guests, young and old, to join you on the dance floor. Be sure to play music from different eras so everyone hears something they recognize.

These days, weddings aren’t only about a young couple starting their life together as a two-some. Sometimes an entire family is coming together with kids, step-parents, half-siblings and more. We say: the more the merrier! By following some of the suggestions above, you can include your kids in your wedding and let them know that they’re important in this marriage and new family.

How do you plan to involve your kids in your wedding?

Want to involve your kids in your wedding ceremony? Talk to your wedding officiant about how to plan a ceremony that works for your family. Book your officiant today!

Written by Riana Ang-Canning
Feature image by Erica Miller Photography

We are so excited to bring you this awesome interview all about queer weddings with our officiant, Beth. Beth is an officiant working in the Lower Mainland and Greater Vancouver area. One of Beth’s greatest passions is officiating for fellow LGBTQ+ couples. Read on to learn more about Beth, her amazing wedding to Danice, and her awesome advice to other queer couples planning their weddings.

Update: This post was originally published in 2018 using the term “same-sex.” We have updated this post to remove this term as we know it is limiting and exclusionary. Thank you for allowing us to learn and we apologize to anyone who felt excluded by the previous version of this post.

Meet Beth

Please introduce yourself!

My name is Beth Carlson-Malena, and I’m proud to be an officiant with Young Hip & Married. I grew up in Saskatoon and moved to Vancouver in 2005 to study theology. I met my wife at seminary, and we were married four years ago. We spent three years working in Toronto, but last year we decided to settle in Vancouver and moved back, and we’ve been loving it.

How did you get into officiating?

Growing up as a pastor’s kid, I got to watch my dad officiate a lot of weddings. Sometimes my connection to him meant opportunities to be involved in the weddings myself, mostly playing piano for the prelude music. Even though I enjoyed playing piano, I remember thinking it would be amazing to have my dad’s job, to be able to frame the service in a way that drew attention to the beauty of what was happening in that couple’s unique love story. More recently, a couple of years ago, as I met queer couples whose churches’ policies didn’t allow their own pastors to officiate at their weddings, I felt prompted to follow through on my childhood dreams. I have now had the chance to work with straight couples and LGBTQ+ couples, and it’s been such a joy to be invited into these important moments in their lives.

What are you doing when you’re not officiating weddings with YH&M?

I’m the Director of Community for Generous Space Ministries, which means i get to connect with hundreds of LGBTQ+ people across Canada and help them find spaces where they can express and explore both their faith and their sexuality/gender identity. It’s been my joy to be able to officiate weddings for some of these folks. I’m also in the midst of launching a church called Open Way in East Van with a friend of mine.

Your wedding

When did you get married? What was your wedding like?

My wife Danice and I were married in May 2014. We had been housemates for nine years before our wedding, but it took us each a long time to come to terms with our sexuality and the depth of our love for one another. Marriage was a difficult decision for us, because we knew it meant the end of our work as pastors in our denomination. But we’ve never regretted that choice, and have both found new ways to “pastor” people, and our love has made each other better. We got married in the evening at the False Creek Community Center with 200 friends and family witnessing, then served wedding cupcakes (made by several friends), before moving all the chairs to the side for a huge dance party!

What part of your wedding day were you most looking forward to?

I was excited just to have all my favourite people gathered in the same place. My wife and I have always hosted the best dance parties – she’s a DJ. So we were really looking forward to our 200-person dance party!

Were there any surprises you encountered planning your wedding or on the wedding day?

I know we were surprised how many decisions were involved in planning, and how difficult it was to figure out when they all had to be made! We ended up asking a friend to be our planner, even though she’d never done it before, and she was a huge help, even just in giving us deadlines.

What big differences did you notice planning a queer wedding?

There is so much freedom to think “outside the box” from the get-go, and to re-think traditions with patriarchal roots. For example, with two brides, there’s no way we could have a “normal” processional… which one of us would walk down the aisle? In the end, we decided to enter at the same time, each surrounded by a “posse” of our parents and siblings, walking not in the middle but on either side of the guests, and met in the middle at the front. It ended up being incredibly meaningful, representing the way our families had loved us and brought us to that point. One challenge of planning queer weddings is that you’re not always sure whom to invite, and who will agree to come, because you don’t always know if people support LGBTQ+ marriage. Some of the people we invited chose to turn us down for that reason, which was painful. But others made a point of showing up, even from great distances, because they wanted to demonstrate their love and support.

Officiating LGBTQ+ weddings

What does officiating queer weddings mean to you? What do you love about them?

It means a lot to be able to marry other queer couples, almost like “paying it forward” from my own wedding. It always fills me with gratitude for the people who have gone before us and made Canada a place where we can legally be married… especially when I’m marrying LGBTQ+ couples who are flying in from other countries. I love the complex narratives of so many of the love stories behind these weddings. There is often a great maturity to these couples. At very least, both parties have needed to come out to themselves and their loved ones, which requires courage and vulnerability. Many of them have had to overcome their own internalized fears, shame, and rejection to find the freedom to love each other. This brings a sacredness to what’s happening – their love is hard-won, precious, and rare. It’s such an honour to celebrate them, to acknowledge both the pain and the joy, and to also thank the friends and family who supported them through the ups and downs of their journey to marriage

Do you notice anything special or different with LGBTQ+ weddings compared to hetero weddings?

The details and form of these weddings are often more creative and personalized – because they’re already breaking with tradition, there aren’t very many things that feel like “musts” for these couples. There is often so much intentionality behind their ceremony choices and wordings. And one stereotype that’s often true… the dancing is off the hook!

What advice do you have for LGBTQ+ couples planning their wedding?

Make sure your love story stays at the core of everything you plan – it is worth celebrating! Don’t be afraid to do something different… be free from the need to please people, and do what feels right for you. If you have unsupportive family or friends, set the boundaries you need to set, and lean on the people who are bending over backwards to love and celebrate you. There will likely be some grief mixed into your day – expect it, and receive it as a sign of the depth of your love even for those who do not yet understand your love. Take a moment to be grateful for those who have gone before you and have made it possible for you to marry the love of your life in Canada.

What can the wedding industry do to become more inclusive and supportive of LGBTQ+ weddings and marriages?

I think there have been some major shifts for the better in terms of acceptance, but there’s still a lot of work to do for the industry to be more friendly to non-binary trans people in particular. Please ask for people’s pronouns on your forms and questionnaires, or in person, and avoid having pre-set questions for “bride” and “groom” (or even assuming that someone will necessarily be comfortable with either word). Get used to the language of “spouse” and “partner,” and mix it into your vocabulary at least as much as “bride” and “groom.” Also, it would be great to see more overt signs of support – rainbow and trans flags on your websites and doors if you are inclusive and supportive of these couples.

Thanks to Beth for taking part in this awesome interview!
And thanks to Emily Nicole Photos for the feature image with Kirby and Tina!

With all of the wedding decisions to make, from choosing a photographer to tasting cakes, there’s often one part of the day that gets overlooked. The ceremony and your officiant. At Young Hip & Married, we believe the ceremony is the most important part of the wedding. It’s the moment when you get to make your lifelong vows to your partner and focus on your love in front of everyone who cares about you. It’s the start of your marriage.

So it makes sense that you would want someone with you during this very important part of your wedding who really gets it. When we ask couples what they want out of their ceremony, they always say they want a ceremony that feels like them. In this moment that’s all about you two and your love story, it’s important to find someone who can tell it right.

But how do your find your perfect officiant?

Do your research

You don’t have to get married by the same person who married your parents or your best friend. You don’t have to go with the closest priest or first person who comes up online. If having a meaningful ceremony with someone who is going to take the time to tell your story right is important to you, take some time to find that person. Read reviews, meet them for coffee and believe your officiant is out there for you.

Don’t assume anything is set in stone

To legally get married, there’s very little you have to say and do. Yet so many couples assume they have to have the same readings, rings, and vows that they’ve heard a hundred times before. Not true! You can totally design your ceremony to fit your style. Swap out religious readings for movie quotes or skip rings and do a sand ceremony instead. The right officiant will be able to perform a ceremony that is right for you.

Do make sure your officiant gets to know you

One thing we hear a lot from wedding guests is, “Wow! You must be really great friends with the couple. You know them so well!” That’s the best compliment. We strive to get to know our couples and officiate a wedding that fits their style and tells their story. If you’re a funky couple who loves to laugh, your officiant should know that and be able to reflect it in your ceremony.

Don’t be surprised

Going into your wedding, you’ll likely be nervous. Did the flowers arrive on time? Do I look okay? Is the band set up? One thing you shouldn’t have to worry about is your officiant. You should know what your officiant is going to say and be comfortable with their style, tone and language. You don’t want any surprises when you’re up there. And you should totally trust your officiant to be professional and deliver the ceremony you’ve requested.

Do be really excited about who is marrying you

Our goal at Young Hip & Married is for our couples to be so excited about their ceremony and the person who is going to marry them. We want you to love the process of putting together your ceremony and presenting your story to your loved ones. We want you to connect with your officiant and consider them a friend by the time the wedding comes. And we want you to have the ceremony of your dreams. Don’t settle for an officiant who can just do the job. Find an officiant who makes you ecstatic about getting married!

Feature image by Erica Miller Photography
Written by Riana Ang-Canning

We’re all about helping couples create ceremonies that are true to who they are and what they feel is important. Your wedding ceremony should represent the two of you. It doesn’t have to be boring or traditional if that’s not you. Have fun with your ceremony! Personalize your ceremony with a few creative additions and really make it your own.

Not sure how to make your ceremony more personalized, unique and fun? We’ve got you! Check out these 23 creative additions to add to your ceremony to make it more you.

Beer Blending

You may have seen sand ceremonies at weddings before where each member of the couple pours different coloured sand into a glass. This is similar, but with beer! If you’re big beer drinkers or into the craft beer scene, this is the creative addition for you. One partner pours light beer and the other partner pours a dark beer into the same glass. And then you both drink – cheers!

Ring Warming

A ring warming is a nice way to involve your guests in your ceremony. During a ring warming, your rings are passed around either before or during your ceremony to your guests. Each guest holds the rings and takes a moment to pray, bless or put some good energy into the rings. Pro tip: if you have a large guest list, start this ring warming before the ceremony starts and put someone (like an eagre aunt) in charge of ensuring the rings make it to you in time. Another pro tip: Use a string to tie the rings together so no guest drops them and consider putting them in a box or bag so you can avoid spreading germs.

Write Your Own Vows

It really doesn’t get more creative than writing your own vows! You can totally write your own vows or mix and match some vows that have already been written. If you need help, talk to your officiant. Your officiant is the expert and would love to help you out with your vows!

write your own wedding vows for a creative wedding ceremony — *Photo by Jelger and Tanja*

Community Vow

Another great way to include your guests in your ceremony is with a community vow. A community vow is taking the traditional, “Do you take this person to be your husband/wife?” and turning it to your guests. For example, your officiant could ask your guests, “Do you promise to support this couple, encourage their marriage and witness their lives together?” To which all of your guests will call out, “We do!” Talk to your officiant about crafting a community vow that works for you two and your guests.

Include Your Pet

We’ve seen lots of fur babies attend their parents’ weddings. You can have your pup get walked down the aisle or invite your cat to sit in a carrier or on someone’s lap during the ceremony. Just make sure you check with your venue that pets are allowed. And ensure you have a plan for how your pet is getting to the ceremony and how they’ll leave.

get creative with your wedding by including your pet — *Photo by Kaoverii*

Seating in a Circle

Usually, guests sit on two sides facing the couple at the front. But why not shake that up? Consider seating your guests in a circle all around you. That way, you are literally encircled in the love of your family and friends. Plus, that means lots of people get a front row seat. Pro tip: Make sure circular seating works with your venue and your guest count (fewer guests is usually best).

Flip for the Vows

Traditionally, men will say their vows and answer the officiant’s questions first during the ceremony. But if you’re not wanting to keep with that tradition, why not flip to see who will say their vows first? It’s the most fair option and will give your guests something to chuckle about.

wedding vows — *Photo by Charles de Jesus*

Live Wedding Painting

Yes, this is a real thing. You can hire an artist to do a live painting of your wedding ceremony at the ceremony. The artist will set up in the back or off to the side and begin their work. By the end of your ceremony, not only will you be married but you’ll have an amazing piece of artwork!

Altar Backdrops

If your creativity is more aesthetic, consider doing something fun with the background of your altar area. During the ceremony, all eyes are going to be on you two and your officiant. So it’s the perfect place to put a flower wall, beautiful archway, hanging roses or anything else that speaks to you two!

altar backdrop, wedding ceremony decor — *Photo by Kaoverii Silva*

Rice Throwing Alternatives

Back in the day, guests would shower the newlyweds in rice at the end of the ceremony as they exited the venue. But now that we know rice is bad for the birds, we need an alternative. You can use confetti (look into eco-friendly brands that use recycled paper) or bubbles. You can have your guests wave ribbons, hit tambourines or play kazoos as you exit. Pro tip: Speak to your venue to ensure you’re allowed to bring in any of these items.

Personalize Your Bouquet

A sweet way to add a personal touch to your wedding ceremony is by personalizing your bouquet. You can add little photos of loved ones no longer with you to your bouquet so they can be with you on your wedding day. You could also add these little mementos to your boutonniere, pocket square, handkerchief, etc.

bouquet charm to honor a loved one, create additions for your wedding ceremony — *Photo by Charles de Jesus*

Pre-Ceremony Cocktail Hour

We’ve all heard of the cocktail hour, when guests get to enjoy some drinks and snacks between the ceremony and the reception. But what about a pre-ceremony cocktail hour? It’s a nice way for guests to socialize before the ceremony, to welcome guests to your wedding and to make the ceremony seem less stuffy.

Meaningful Ceremony Music and Readings

An easy creative addition to your ceremony is choosing music that means something to the two of you. There are lots of opportunities for music during your ceremony: the processional, the signing, the recessional and even when guests are waiting for things to begin. Check out our post on ceremony music for some ideas!

On the same token, you can also get very creative with your ceremony readings. You don’t have to do readings from the same poems or books that you hear at every wedding ceremony. You can incorporate readings from TV shows and movies, readings from songs, or just plain off-beat readings.

Special Runner

You can get creative with your runner that goes down the aisle at your ceremony. Instead of a traditional carpet runner, you can use flower petals or other natural decor. You can draw with paint or have arrows. Or you can get calligraphy done on a runner to share your love story or your favourite love quotes.

Creative Processional Ideas

Get creative with your ceremony right from the get go. You can mix up the traditional processional by walking in together, walking in with both parents or any other idea you have. Check out our post on unique wedding processional options for some inspiration!

wedding ceremony recessional — *Photo by Pebble and Pine Photo*

Planting a Tree

Would you believe that planting a tree is an option for your wedding ceremony? Well, it is! Another variation on a unity ritual is planting a tree. Usually, each member of the couple will lift a shovel with dirt to plant a tree in a bucket. The idea being that the tree will go home with you and represent the marriage that you are nurturing and growing.

End with a Toast

This creative addition plays in nicely with a pre-cocktail ceremony or beer blending ritual. After your ceremony, you invite your guests to toast you and enjoy a glass of bubbly, wine or beer. It’s a nice way to involve your guests, celebrate the fact that you just became officially married, and give everyone something nice to drink!

wedding ceremony champagne toast for a creative wedding — *Photo by Emily Nicole Photos*

A New Way to Bring Down the Rings

When it comes to the wedding rings, we typically think of them being brought down the aisle either in the best man’s pocket or on a pillow carried by the ring bearer. But you can get more creative than that. If you’re nature lovers, you can make a bird’s nest and have the rings put in there. If you’re bookworms, you can hollow out a novel and put the rings in there. Lots of ways to get creative with this one!

Personalized Programs

If you are making programs for your ceremony, this is an easy place for a creative addition. You can add in the story of how you two met, photos of your pets, sweet messages from your parents, funny introductions to the different elements of the ceremony, and anything else you want!

wedding ceremony programs — *Photo by Brent Calis*

Extras for Guests

If you want to go above and beyond for your guests during your ceremony, you can definitely do so. For an outdoor ceremony, you can provide fans (that can double as your programs!) in hot weather or blankets in cool weather. If you have lots of kiddos attending, you can make up a little colouring or activity book to keep them entertained during the ceremony.

Wedding Time Capsule

An awesome creative addition for a ceremony would be creating your own wedding time capsule. At your ceremony, you place letters written to each other and a bottle of wine into a box. You seal up the box, your wedding time capsule, and open it on your first anniversary. You could also throw in other mementos from your wedding day like your invite, program, etc.

Family Vows

A variation on the community vow is a family vow. This is another way to include more than just the couple in the wedding ceremony and is an awesome addition when you’re bringing together two families with children. A family vow is an opportunity for the couple and their children to all say I do and to take each other as parents and children. Check out our blog post for a great example of a family vow with children.

family wedding ceremony — *Photo by Emily Nicole Photos*

Unity Candle

The unity candle, while creative, is actually an old wedding tradition. Each member of the couple will hold a lit candle and, at the same time, light a third candle together to signify their union. However, you can get a little more creative with this if you want. You can invite your guests to take part by handing out candles and having guests pass the flame from one to another until everyone is holding a lit candle. The final guest would then transfer the flame to the couple to light their unity candle. That way, each guest is involved in the unity ritual and the couple is surrounded by a sea of candlelight. Pro tips: Check if candles are allowed in your venue, ensure everyone is being fire safe, and only try this with a small number of adult guests.

What creative addition are you adding to your wedding ceremony?

Book Your Wedding Officiant!

written by Riana Ang-Canning
feature image by Charles de Jesus

We believe that all couples getting married should be able to get married in their way with a ceremony that represents who they are and what is important to them. One large part of that is the ceremony language. A lot of the words you hear at a typical wedding ceremony are outdated, boring and not at all inclusive. Especially for LGBTQ+ weddings, the ceremony language is not always inclusive of the couple getting married.

Well, if that’s the case, there’s no reason to keep those words. If the language of a typical wedding ceremony doesn’t work for you and your spouse-to-be, change it! You can make your wedding ceremony language inclusive, modern and true to you with some easy fixes.

Bride and Groom

In a traditional heterosexual wedding, the terms “bride” and “groom” are used to refer to the couple getting married. If you identify with those terms, go ahead and adopt them for your queer, LGBTQ+, gay or lesbian wedding ceremony language. You can be two brides or two grooms. But if you don’t like the sound of bride or groom, there are other options. You can be referred to as partners, spouses to be, partners for life, or even just by your names!

Husband and Wife

Another hetero term we hear a lot in traditional weddings is “husband and wife.” For many queer weddings, this label isn’t going to fit. Just like bride and groom, you can switch this label to “wife and wife” or “husband and husband.” You can also use less-gendered language such as partners, spouses, soul mates, etc.

Vancouver beach wedding with wedding officiant — *by Amber Leigh Photography*

Giving Away

A very old school line you may hear at a wedding ceremony is, “Who gives this woman to be married to this man?” It’s asked by the officiant when the bride makes her way down the aisle. Usually, the father of the bride will answer and say, “I do” or “Her mother and I do.” Obviously, this isn’t the most inclusive or feminist language.

So, let’s change it! One option is to change the response to something like, “She gives herself, with the support of her family.” You can also make it more inclusive by asking both partners (and their families) who gives them to be married. You can alter the question; instead of asking who gives the person, because people aren’t property, you can ask who supports this person. And lastly, you can just remove this question altogether from your ceremony!

Defining Love and Marriage

In some ceremonies, the officiant will spend some time reflecting on the meaning of love and marriage, or speaking about the couple. Make sure that your officiant’s words and their definitions of love/marriage line up with your own. Ensure they are making your wedding ceremony language inclusive however they can. There should never be a moment in your own ceremony that makes you raise your eyebrows in surprise or disgust.

Book Your Wedding Officiant!

love in the square, robson square wedding, samesex wedding in Vancouver — *Photo by Jelger and Tanja*

Pronouncement

Towards the end of the wedding ceremony comes the pronouncement. A typical pronouncement you might hear is, “I now pronounce you man and wife” or “I now pronounce you husband and wife.” To make the change for your queer, LGBTQ+, gay or lesbian wedding ceremony, you could change “man and wife” to: wife and wife, husbands together, spouses, partners for life, equal partners in marriage, or just married!

The Kiss

After the pronouncement comes the big smooch! The kiss is usually announced as, “You may now kiss the bride.” Sadly, this isn’t the most inclusive or feminist way to start a marriage. Some other options include, “You may now kiss,” “You may seal your marriage vows with a kiss,” “I invite you to start your marriage with a kiss,” and, “Get your smooch on!”

Presentation of the Couple

Once you’ve said your vows, signed your paperwork and sealed it all with a kiss, you will turn to your guests. Traditionally, the officiant will then say, “I present to you, Mr. and Mrs. John Smith,” using the groom’s first and last name. But that’s not how it has to be. You can decide how you want to be introduced as a married couple and what names you’d like to use.

Let’s look at some examples for the marriage of Jane Smith and Betty Doe. “I present to you…

Jane Smith and Betty Doe
Jane and Betty Smith/Jane and Betty Doe
The Does/The Smiths
Mrs. and Mrs. Doe-Smith/Ms. and Ms. Doe-Smith
Jane and Betty
The newlyweds!

How to Make Your Same-sex Wedding Ceremony Language Inclusive — *Photo by Erica Miller Photography*

Readings, Songs and Your Program

A few more places where you can make your wedding ceremony language inclusive are in your readings, songs and in your program.

With your ceremony readings, you can make sure you’re picking pieces that use inclusive language. Better yet, find readings that speak about important ideals, like equality, and that might even be written by LGBTQ authors. Invite important friends or family members who share these views to do the readings at your ceremony.

In your ceremony music, ensure that the lyrics are inclusive and represent the union you are entering into. Again, you can take it a step further by using songs written and performed by LGBTQ artists that share queer love stories.

Your program is a great place to directly state your views on inclusion, equality and LGBTQ+ marriage. You can share important things for your guests to know or even the use opportunity to acknowledge other queer couples around the world who don’t have the freedom to express their love and marry. You can also include these words on your wedding website or in your officiant’s opening welcome.

The bottom line for planning your queer, gay or lesbian wedding ceremony

For couples planning a queer, LGBTQ+, gay or lesbian wedding ceremony – or any non-cis non-hetero ceremony for that matter – you automatically are confronted with decisions that cisgender, heterosexual couples don’t have to make. For example, a lesbian wedding ceremony may not have a husband or a groom and decisions obviously have to be made about things like last names, aisle walks, etc. There is no traditional default to fall back on.

At the end of the day, we want your ceremony to feel inclusive and welcoming to you. It should represent who you are and what you believe. While the additional labour of making these decisions and not having traditions to rely on is unfair, it can also be an opportunity to design a ceremony that is perfectly personalized to you.

How are you making your wedding ceremony language inclusive?

written by Riana Ang-Canning
feature image by Erica Miller Photography