48 Hilarious Wedding Puns, Jokes & Quotes

Love, laughter and happily ever after? We hope that’s how you feel after reading 48 of our favourite wedding puns, jokes and quotes! Get ready to add a dash of humour and a sprinkle of wit to your wedding day.

Need more laughs? Check out funny wedding vows for him, her & them! 

When to use wedding puns, jokes & quotes

There are lots of great times and places to drop a few wedding puns or jokes on your wedding day and leading up to it. The key is to find times and places that are low key, where a bit of humour will add to your wedding and not detract from a meaningful moment.

Some of the best places for a wedding pun include:

• Your wedding website
• Social media captions on your wedding photos
• Wedding signs
• Wedding ceremony programs

All of these options are great because they’re written – many puns only make sense when you can see how they’re spelled. It can be harder to get the joke across if your audience only hears you and can’t see the pun. And as funny as puns can be, sometimes it’s more of a “quick chuckle” than a “roar with laughter” moment, making them better suited to times when guests can enjoy them on their own.

Another place you may want to incorporate wedding jokes or funny quotes would be in your wedding toasts and speeches. In fact, many of our jokes below work perfectly in a speech. However, we will advise you to proceed with caution. Remember that this is a wedding, not a comedy show!

Tips for adding jokes, puns and funny quotes to your wedding

Like most things in life: Less is more when it comes to funny wedding vows, jokes, puns and quotes. Use them sparingly! Even if everyone knows you two are big goofballs, your wedding is still an important day that you should take seriously. Have fun but don’t forget why you’re getting married (and no, it’s not to practice your stand up routine!).

Choose wedding puns and jokes that mean something to you. A funny pun about a dentist in love will be a lot funnier if you or your spouse-to-be actually are dentists! If none of the examples below apply to your situation, they can still inspire you to find or write a joke that plays on who you two are.

Don’t be offensive. No one wants their wedding to be full of crude language, cringe moments or vulgar jokes. Remember, there are likely grandparents and little children present! Avoid talking about exes, hot button issues or anything that would embarrass someone in the room.

And please, don’t go for a tired sexist wedding joke. We’ve all heard the jokes about how marriage is a life sentence, men don’t listen and women are always shopping. Not only are these jokes unfunny and untrue, they’re also just boring! Obviously the couple getting married believe in marriage, so there’s no need to make a joke everyone has heard before mocking their choice. Trust us, you’re better than that.

Now that you know the do’s and don’ts of wedding fun, let’s get into some examples!

20 hilarious wedding puns

1. What was the best part of the wedding? The reception; it really took the cake.
2. The groom couldn’t stop making wedding puns during the ceremony. He said he was just “altar-ing” the mood.
3. The couple hired a vegetarian DJ so he could turnip the beets.
4. For butter or worse, a toast to the newlyweds!
5. When she told us her fiancée was an author, we knew she had found Mrs Write.
6. The famous musician proposed to the person he was in love with. He did it with a kneel diamond.
7. This might sound cheesy, but you’re really grate. Life is gouda with you!
8. Two pianists had a good marriage. They always were in a chord.
9. I hear vampire weddings really suck.
10. The couple were both music lovers, so they exchanged “notes” instead of vows.
11. I cannoli be happy when I’m with you because you make life sweet.
12. We’re keeping the wedding casual, so consider it a lack tie affair.
13. I had cold feet, but my partner reassured me they were just “icing” on the wedding cake.
14. It’s been an emotional day, even the cake is in tiers.
15. Words can not espresso how much you mean to me. It’s a whole latte love!
16. Now that they are married, they are both footloose and fiancé free.
17. The dentist had strong fillings for his new spouse.
18. Marrying in July is pretty brave, but what can you expect from these two sweat-hearts?
19. The details about the bouquet toss are still up in the air.
20. Let’s not argue over whether it’s a cravat or a bow. Let’s just call it a tie.

18 wedding jokes – perfect for funny wedding speeches!

1. When your spouse gets a little upset, just remember a simple “calm down” in a soothing voice is all it takes to get them a lot more upset.
2. What do you call a melon that’s not allowed to get married? Can’t elope.
3. Now, I did ask for a microphone but was told one wasn’t available. So if you can’t hear me at the back, the silence from the people at the front should reassure you that you’re not missing out on anything.
4. Did you hear about the two spiders who just got engaged? I hear they met on the web.
5. What can I say about a person who is kind to everyone they meet? A person who is smart, gifted, stunning, successful and so much more? A top human in every situation? Well, enough about me, let’s move onto the newlyweds.
6. Luckily we didn’t have a Runaway Bride situation. It was more like Runaway Bridal Expenses!
7. Today we witnessed a unique event in history – it’s the first and presumably last time anyone has trusted me to give a speech!
8. Why did the bee get married? Because he found his honey.
9. I have one final piece of advice for you two lovebirds: never stop laughing, even when the jokes are horrible.
10. I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to steal the covers from for the rest of your life.
11. Well, what can I tell you about the happy couple? I’ve known them for about 10 years, they’re funny, intelligent, kind, beautiful… sorry, wrong wedding!
12. What did Cinderella say when her wedding photos didn’t show up? Someday my prints will come!
13. For those of you who don’t know me, my name is (Name). My full name is actually ‘(Name) would-you-like-a-drink.’ For those of you who I chat with at the bar later, I’d appreciate it if you could use my full name.
14. Marriage is full of surprises but it’s mostly just asking each other, “Do you have to do that right now?”
15. The couple has informed me that the buffet this evening is charged on a cost-per-head basis. So, on their behalf, I’d like to thank the following people for not coming…
16. And so, without further ado, let me ask those of you who still can to stand up and join me in a toast to the newlyweds!
17. May your marriage be so solid it could last through being on a Bravo reality TV show.
18. I would like to reintroduce the most important people here tonight. We know them, we love them and it’s probably why we’re all here…the bartenders!

10 funny wedding quotes

1. “To keep your marriage brimming with love in the wedding cup, whenever you’re wrong, admit it; whenever you’re right, shut up.” – Ogden Nash
2. “Marriage is like vitamins: We supplement each other’s minimum daily requirements.” – Kathy Mohnke
3. “Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow internet to see who they really are.” – Will Ferrell
4. “Is marriage just two people taking turns mashing the trash down in the hopes the other one folds first and empties the bin?” – Monica Hesse
5. “A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, and always with the same person.” – Mignon McLaughlin
6. “The best thing to ever happen to a marriage is the pause-live-TV button.” — Rick Reilly
7. “True love is singing karaoke ‘Under Pressure’ and letting the other person sing the Freddie Mercury part.” – Mindy Kaling
8. “Love is a lot like a backache; it doesn’t show up on x-rays, but you know it’s there.”  – George Burns
9. “I’m going to get married because I’m more mature now, and I need some kitchen stuff.” — Wendy Liebman
10. “I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.” – Rita Rudner

Whether you choose to add any to your wedding day, we hope these wedding puns, jokes, quotes and funny lines got you laughing! Keep smiling as you plan an awesome wedding, custom ceremony and have the best marriage ever!